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What! April 13, 2017

What I Heard This Week April 13, 2017

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By Lisa Baker • 04-13-17

What do households on the $74-billion food stamp program called SNAP, buy at the grocery store? The Chronicle reported findings now show that the number one purchase by SNAP households are soft drinks. My opinion…food stamps should NOT be used to buy junk food or sugary drinks. Sugar leads to obesity and diabetes. That leads to health care. Food stamps should be used for food.

Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food – Hippocrates

Former Baptist deacon and Alabama Governor Robert Bentley has now resigned over a sex scandal. Last year he pulled a Clinton and assured everyone that he didn’t have sex with his married female advisor. She resigned. New investigations show that he used his position to intimidate state employees to be quiet about what they knew…and he reportedly misused campaign funds, and more. So, now he says he is guilty of two misdemeanor charges and will step down in exchange for having felony charges dropped. Yawn.

Ford Motor and GM have both been building cars forever. Tesla is the new kid on the block and is now the most valuable US car company on the stock market. That was quick.

United overbooked a flight leaving from Chicago which is not unusual for any airline. Volunteers were recruited to give up their seats in exchange for vouchers. No one wanted to volunteer so United randomly picked individuals to stay behind. One chosen gentleman said he was a doctor and had to get home to see patients and refused to get off. A United security officer literally drug him off the plane, the passenger was hurt in the process AND it was videoed by other passengers. Read the fine print. They are saying that airlines can bump you off a plane if they are overbooked. Hmmm. The United CEO has apologized and promised internal review.

Some day we old folks will use cursive writing as a secret code.

This may not make you laugh, but it may make you smile. April the giraffe is still pregnant in NY. Once the baby arrives, you can enter a naming contest at www.AnimalAdventurePark.com.  So, while everyone has been patiently waiting on April, a surprise happened at the Denver Zoo. Kipele gave birth to an unexpected baby boy giraffe named Dobby that weighed just 73-pounds. What makes this pretty special is that zoo officials and keepers didn’t know that Kipele was pregnant. At age 23, she was considered too old to reproduce and was on birth control. The father, Dikembe, just winked when asked how this could have happened.

Every year TIME magazine selects the 25 Best Inventions of the Year. Most of these inventions are just plain fun like the electric toothbrush that is described as being something you would find in an Apple store. It’s called Quip, it comes in plastic or metal (the metal is pretty sexy for a toothbrush) and it has a two-minute timer that vibrates every 30-seconds to remind users to switch brushing positions. And you can sign up for the company to send you a new toothbrush head every three months. It’s cute.

 Spanish golfer, Sergio Garcia won the Masters tournament and is now the owner of a brand new green jacket. He was being interviewed on The Today Show and they asked if he would be wearing that jacket in his upcoming wedding and it sounded like it might just be a possibility. And why NOT? He seems like such a humble guy.

Don Rickles died at the age of 90.  He spent decades doing standup comedy and late-night talk shows. Did you know that he was the voice of Mr. Potato Head from Toy Story?

John Warren Geils Jr., the founder and lead guitarist for the J. Geils Band, died at his Massachusetts home at age 71.

Uber is getting sued. Supposedly they were using software that showed the longer more expensive route to the riders and shorter cheaper routes to their drivers, resulting in riders that pay more and drivers that make less. That’s not very nice.

Wells Fargo is one of the largest banks in the US. Last year it came out that they had spent years opening fake accounts and credit cards without customers’ permission. This was to meet high sales goals that were set by the bank. The company was fined and now two executives have been told that they must give back millions of dollars in compensation.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS: Actor Billy Dee Williams is 80. The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Director Frances Ford Coppola is 78. The Godfather, Francis Ford Coppola Wine…try the Claret Black Label. Singer John Oates is 69. Football Hall-of–Fame Tony Dorsett is 63. He is suffering from CTE, Chronic Traumatic Ecephalopathy, believed to be the result of his football head injuries. Dame Jane Goodall is 83. Considered to be the world’s foremost expert on chimpanzees.

Actress Marsha Mason is 75. The Good-Bye Girl. Singer Wayne Newton is 75. Red Roses for a Blue Lady. Singer Tony Orlando is 73. Actor Alec Baldwin is 59. Actor David Hyde Pierce is 58. Dr. Niles Crane. Comedian Eddie Murphy is 56. Former House Republican Tom Delay is 70. Actress Robin Wright is 51. Princess Bride and Forrest Gump. Actress Patricia Arquette is 49. Ethel Kennedy is 89.

Pulitzer prize-winning columnist Ellen Goodman celebrated her 76th birthday. She has a great quote. “Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work, driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for, in order to get to a job that you need so you can pay for the clothes, car and the house that you leave empty all day in order to afford to live in it.”

Actress-singer Doris Day is 95. Until just recently, she believed that she was 2 years younger.

Save the date for Brazosport College Foundation, Stars over Texas Soiree…great food, music and dancing to the sounds of Duck Soup. The proceeds of the Scholarship Soiree benefit the Brazosport College Foundation scholarships. September 8th, 2017 @7pm.

China is now dealing with the worst bird flu outbreak in years. More than 160 people have died and hundreds of others have been infected. Bird flu is a type of virus (H7N9) found in birds. Scientists are worried that this could be a global pandemic similar to the Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918 that killed somewhere between 30-50 million people across the globe. Healthcare has improved since that time, but so has transportation, making it easier for viruses to cross borders and continents.

Be sure to read Much Ado about Nothing by Jean Ciampi on page 4. It’s what we all think but few are able to put into words and actually describe the relationship with our cellphone companies…I’m hoping that she will write about home telephone, internet and cable companies next. I’m going to ask.

I never met an animal I didn’t like, and I can’t say the same thing about people – Doris Day


Need A Zonkey!

Much Ado About Nothing April 6, 2017

Jean Ciampi - Much Ado About NothingMuch Ado About Nothing by Jan Ciampi

Stop! Because you had me at zonkey! The Bayou Wildlife Zoo that is out between Alvin and Dickinson is for sale! Okay, yes, they’re asking $7 Million for it, but I think I could start a GoFundMe thing and raise that, don’t you think? I need this zoo! Because until just now, I had never even heard of a zonkey, but now that I have, I know that my life’s calling is to be a zonkey owner.

Zonkeys are a type of zebroid – a hybrid zebra that’s a cross between a zebra and a something else. While a zorse (zebra + horse) is kind of cool, it pales dramatically to a zonkey. I was already convinced I needed a small herd of miniature donkeys because they have a cute factor that can only be measured by the International Space Station. Then, of course, I’d need several guard donkeys to keep my dinky donkeys secure. The one thing I’m missing to complete the perfect donkey trifecta: a zonkey!

If that’s not enough, my new zoo also comes with a newborn giraffe. That right there makes the $7 million asking price a bargain! It is only possible to resist a newborn giraffe if you are completely devoid of a soul. Zonkey plus a newborn giraffe, how do you top that? Well, you add a white rhino. Not just your average, oh-everyone-has-one gray rhino. No, a white rhino. Thank you, we have a winner.

I’ll have other animals that aren’t zonkeys (but probably want to be zonkeys because who in the animal world doesn’t want to be a zonkey), plus 7 trams to haul around the 90,000 people that will come every year to visit me. The seller is also throwing in the bulldozer, of course, as well as the fleet of Jeeps. And I’ll need the $1 million the zoo rakes in every year to cover the $6,000 a month in Purina Zonkey Chow. Which is fine. You can’t have your zonkey eating table scraps.

Naturally, I have a couple of questions before moving forward like how do I get in touch with Matt Damon? Is that zookeeper’s wife movie still playing? I could probably pick up some tips from that. And who drew the short straw for hand-feeding the alligators? Not me, because I’ll be over here petting my new $7 million zonkey!

What! April 06, 2017

What I Heard This Week April 6, 2017

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By Lisa Baker • 04-06-17

A 52-year-old Colorado man pleaded guilty to second-degree murder and was sentenced to 25 years in prison for the 1995 death of his wife. Almost 22-years ago, he had found a gravesite that was scheduled for a burial, dug 2-feet below and buried his wife’s body. Then later in the same day a World War II veteran was unknowingly buried over her remains. He admitted to this or they would never have found her. Pretty clever if you ask me, but is 25 years enough?

Spider biologists have generally found that spiders consume approximately 10 percent of their body weight in food per day. That’s equivalent to a 200-pound man eating 20 pounds of meat each day. In the end, it actually works out to mankind’s benefit since the spiders feed primarily on bugs, garden pests and mosquitos. The Source Weekly has reached out to all the spiders living here in our office but they have not returned our calls. Killum Pest Control did return our call. They will be out soon.

Several thousand marijuana plants were found at two different locations in Planters Point SD near Holiday Lakes. The two operations were said to generate millions in sales annually. I saw the pictures of the plants…wish my tomato plants looked that good.

Thanks, Jacquelyne P. for such kind words about this column AND thank you for reading The Source Weekly. We love our readers.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS: Actor Warren Beatty is 80. That’s hard to believe.  Rock musician Eric Clapton is 72. Dang. That’s hard to believe too. Rap artist MC Hammer is 54. TV personality Piers Morgan is 52. Country singer Reba McEntire is 62. Rapper Salt Connor is 51. Salt-N-Pepa. Singer Emmylou Harris is 70. Comedian Eric Idle is 74. Pro and College Hall of Fame Earl Campbell is 62. Model Elle Macpherson is 54. Actress Lucy Lawless is 49. Actress Ali MacGraw is 78. Love Story. I loved that movie.

THOUGHTS: Today, a 10-year-old is happy when given the latest iPhone. When I was that age, it was an off-white transistor radio with dials and a retractable antenna in a blue plastic case. I would listen to it when I was supposed to be asleep. I would listen to it when I was supposed to be doing anything. Batteries didn’t last very long.  I found a radio almost like it on eBay for a beginning price of $7.50. Bet it didn’t cost that much new.

Arkansas has signed into law a measure that would impose fines and prison time for doctors that perform abortions that are based solely on the wishes of the parents to pick the gender of their child. That’s crazy. Would people really do that?

Two former aids to New Jersey Governor Chris Christie were sentenced to prison for the famous Bridgegate, where the George Washington Bridge in NJ was shut down for days, supposedly to get back at a NJ mayor for not supporting Christie’s re-election run. Christie’s team said it was for a traffic study. Christie continues to look the other direction.

The prominent 48-year-old Montrose veterinarian that was recently arrested and accused of trying to arrange the killing of her ex-husband, jumped to her death from the seventh-floor patio of her River Oaks condominium where she lived. She left letters and a recorded message.

There’s a new coffee. It’s called Black Insomnia and it has 300% more caffeine than most regular morning coffee and is reported to now be the world’s strongest coffee. One-pound bag $18.99. The company reported that the caffeine levels were actually cut back in order to…get this…keep consumers alive. Consume at your own risk.

Daughter of President Trump, Ivanka Trump, is to become an official unpaid White House employee.

  • There’s a new kid on Sesame Street…she’s a red-headed muppet with autism named Julia. Julia’s puppeteer, Stacey Gordon, is familiar with autism because of her 13-year-old son. She says, “I imagine my son going through tough moments and give that to the character.”  According to Autism Speaks, autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys. Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism. There is no medical detection or cure for autism and it is now one of the fastest-growing developmental disorders in the US.

The Community Foundation of Brazoria County honored three women at its annual Philanthropist of the Year dinner…Doris Williams and Josie LaChance of Lake Jackson and Susie Wilcox of Pearland. Congratulations ladies and thank you for all of your volunteer efforts. We appreciate all that you do!

Volunteer! Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. Volunteers are just ordinary people with extraordinary hearts. They offer the gift of their time to teach, to listen, to help, to inspire, to build, to grow, and to learn. They expect no pay, yet the value of their work knows no limit…They’ve known the unexpected joy of a simple hug. They’ve planted tiny seeds of love in countless lives. Volunteers are just ordinary people who reach out, take a hand and together make a difference that lasts a lifetime. Researchers say that volunteering can release a rush of endorphins that make people feel great…and can actually slow the aging process. If you need some ideas on where to volunteer, call me.

The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away. –William Shakespeare

OK, last week I told you that The Navy was going to name a SHOP after and honoring Gabrielle Giffords…well, the “o” and the “i” are right next to each other on my keyboard…it should have said SHIP…the Navy is going to honor her with a SHIP named after her. Spell-check doesn’t catch things like that. Thank you, Mark, my #1, “after-the–fact” proofer.

PricewaterhouseCoopers accountants won’t be allowed to have their cellphones backstage during future Oscar telecasts. Hmmm. Maybe we should have more of those rules in our own lives.

Uvalde: Thirteen members of a choir group from First Baptist Church of New Braunfels were killed on the way home from a retreat when a truck came across the center lane and struck their bus head on. The driver of the truck that hit them admitted that he was distracted by texting. Several passing motorists had called officials prior to the accident and complained that there was a distracted motorist on the road.

We have a sign at our office front counter that says…”In the interest of accuracy and as a courtesy to you…We will provide service to you as soon as your cellphone call is completed. Thank You.”  We just can’t take ads with correct phone numbers, addresses and information when you are having two conversations…one with your mother-in-law talking about where to buy new tires.  Cellphones are wonderful and a huge problem.

The Alvin Music Festival and Cook-off is April 7th and 8th at Briscoe Park. Cole Degges and the Bellany Brothers are just a couple of music treats to be playing the festival. Bring your lawn chairs and blankets.

Have you seen all the new trees that have been planted on FM 2004?  BIG beautiful trees that are going to look great immediately. This all happened because of a grant from Keep Texas Beautiful and Texas Department of Transportation for Lake Jackson and Richwood. It’s sure going to be pretty.

– Lisa

Baby Doc

Much Ado About Nothing February 2, 2017

Jean Ciampi

Jean Ciampi

Much Ado About Nothing by Jan Ciampi

My youngest son turned 18 recently which means I’m off the hook for a lot of big things. If his debilitating case of senioritis keeps him from making it to his first period class enough times, the truancy officer doesn’t haul me into court now. He goes. I’m not responsible for his debts, like what he owes to Firestone for that front end alignment. (I told him if he banged that curb coming into the neighborhood enough times…). And I don’t make his doctor’s appointments anymore. However, he was still a minor when I made the appointment for his annual checkup with his favorite doctor: his pediatrician.

Because no good deed goes unpunished, he made me go to the appointment with him. There we sat in the waiting room with the fishes and dolphins painted on the walls, PBS on the television, and countless coughing, drooling, snotty, germ-infested babies and toddlers. Just me and my kid who is a full foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than me. But, I can brag in front of the other moms that my baby was the only one there with full facial hair, a driver’s license, and a constitutional right to cast a ballot. Let’s see their elementary school honor roll top that!

I realized, though, that some things will just never change. For example, while we were sitting there waiting, we suddenly hear the ear-piercing, blood-curdling screams of some poor child who had obviously just come due for some kind of booster shot. Either that he was having his fingernails ripped off with pliers. Those screams are so similar, it’s hard to distinguish which is which. Every kid in that waiting room froze, including mine. He turned his bearded man-face to me and said with an unmasked level of panic in his voice, “I don’t need shots for college, do I?!” Just when you think your baby is all grown up and gone, you realize that little boy will always be there.

We’ve always loved our pediatrician. He’s one of the Top 5 Greatest Guys Ever. So I understand not wanting to give him up. If his office accepted Medicare, my kids would probably plan to be patients there for life. Besides, you’re just never too old for a SpongeBob sticker and a Donald Duck Band-Aid.

What! January 26, 2017

What I Heard This Week January 26, 2017

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By Lisa Baker • 01-26-17

We have a new President who continues to Tweet. Or is that Twit. The new First Lady looked stunning in a pale blue dress and jacket by Ralph Lauren with shoes and gloves to match.  Let’s pray that good things happen to and for our country.

Several times a week, a woman and her two sons cross the border from Juarez into El Paso to purchase Krispy Kreme donuts. They buy around 40 boxes of assorted donuts at $5 each, then takes them back to Mexico where they sell them for a profit at $8 dozen. Have you ever had Kristy Kreme donuts? If you have NOT, then you would never, ever understand.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS: Actor James Earl Jones is 86. Singer-songwriter Neil Diamond is 76.  Comedian Yakov Smirnoff is 66. Actress Nastassja Kinski is 58. Olympic gold-medal gymnast Mary Lou Retton is 49. Talk-show host Maury Povich is 78. Actor-comedian Steve Harvey is 60. Actor Jim Carrey is 55. Rapper Kid Rock is 46. Pro Football Hall of Famer Randy White is 64. Actor Chad Lowe is 49. Rapper Pitbull is 36. Singer-songwriter Bobby Goldsboro is 76. Remember the song “Honey.” That was in 1968. He played guitar with Roy Orbison before he was a star in his own right.  Actor-director Kevin Costner is 62.  Author Mary Higgins Clark is 89. I loved her books. Designer Kate Spade is 54.

Singer-songwriter Ray Stevens is 78. Remember Everything Is Beautiful, Misty, Gitarzan and The Streak. Actor Jason Segel is 37. He co-wrote and starred in The Muppet Movie. Actor John Hurt is 77. Actress Linda Blair is 58. Yikes. I’m scared just thinking about her head spinning around in The Exorcist. Celebrity chef Guy Fieri is 49. Actress Chita Rivera is 84. Princess Caroline of Monaco is 60.

President Obama commuted the prison sentence of Chelsea Manning (he was Bradley Manning before gender-reassignment while in prison,) allowing the Army intelligence officer who leaked more than 700,000 classified government and military documents to WikiLeaks along with battlefield video, to go free nearly three decades early . The actions are permanent and cannot be undone by President Trump.

Joke…a girl sends a text… “What does IDK stand for? Reply: “I don’t know.”  Response: “OMG, nobody knows.”  I’m still laughing.

Colo, the world’s first gorilla born in a zoo, died in her sleep less than a month after her 60th birthday at Cleveland Metroparks Zoo. Colo was the oldest known living gorilla in the U.S. The median life expectancy for female gorillas in human care is 37.5 years.

A New York man who was charged with driving while intoxicated allegedly bought nearly 1,000 copies of his local newspaper in an attempt to keep people he knew from finding out.

Monopoly is letting you vote for new board game tokens. Classics like the hat, shoe or Scottie dog could be traded in for a cell phone, hashtag or emoji. Hurry. www.VoteMonopoly.com. Voting ends in just a few days.

105-year-old Robert Marchand of France cycled 14 miles in one hour, setting a world record for his age group. Did you catch that…he’s 105.

Crews have begun to pump sand that was dredged from the Galveston Ship Channel into the beach in front of the seawall in Galveston. It will take approximately four-months to finish the project.

The doctor says to the patient…”What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?” Hmmm. I should go for a walk now.

Some thoughts from 2016:  Hamilton…Pokémon Go…Scary Clowns…Olympics…David Bowie… Leonard Cohen…George Michael…Debbie Reynolds…Carrie Fisher…Super Bowl… Muhammad Ali…mass shootings… Patty Duke… Prince… zika virus… Chris Christie… Kardashians… Russian Interference… Angelina and Brad…El Chapo…Flint Water…Chipotle…North Korea… big hands… Oregon Standoff…Antonin Scalia…Deflated Balls…Ben Carson…bomb threats… which bathroom…Queen’s birthday…gorilla Harambe…Kentucky Derby…skydiver Luke Aikins… Ryan Lochte… National Anthem…Galaxy Note 7’s Batteries…Samsung  washers…new iPhone 7… Game of Thrones…Michael Phelps…Katie Ledecky…Simone Biles…Star Wars…Finding Dory…“Can’t Stop the Feeling”…Billy Bush…WikiLeaks…Anthony Weiner…Affordable Care Act…  Bob Dylan…Nobel Prize…Chicago Cubs…Trump twitters…Fidel Castro…Alec Baldwin…Black Lives Matter…Electoral College…Glenn Frey…penis transplant…Harper Lee…George Kennedy… Presidential Election…Merle Haggard…Guy Clark…Gene Wilder…Arnold Palmer…Leon Russell…  Florence Henderson…John Glenn…Alan Thicke…Zsa Zsa Gabor…Bretix.

Chevrolet unveiled its LEGO Batmobile recently at the Detroit/North American International Auto Show. It was inspired by Batman’s vehicle in the soon-to-hit-theatres The LEGO Batman Movie. It is 17-ft long, almost 1,700-pounds, took 344,187 LEGO bricks and 1,833 hours to build.

Several months ago, my daughter announced that Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson was coming to Houston. He is an Astrophysicist that happens to be a rock star in the world of science. Well, when your kids ask for candy, electronics or new clothes, you have to stop and ask some questions…but when they ask you to take them to go see someone talk about science, you just have to jump right in and get the tickets. We saw Dr. Tyson at SPA last week and he spoke for two solid hours on the subject of outer space. It was definitely the most interesting two hours “ever.”

“I dream of a world where the truth is what shapes people’s politics, rather than politics shaping what people think is true.” Neil deGrasse Tyson

An avalanche that appears to have been triggered by a series of earthquakes in central Italy, buried a ski town hotel.

Will and Grace are coming back to NBC. Will and Grace are best friends. Will is a gay lawyer and Grace is a straight interior designer and they live in New York, together. The first episode aired in 1998. Last show was about ten years ago.

Because of The Super Bowl, people are renting out their entire houses, condos or apartments in Houston. Well, guess what? State hotel occupancy taxes are due when you rent sleeping accommodations for $15 or more per day. The state hotel occupancy tax rate is 6%. Some people that they interviewed on TV were asking $5000 a week for their homes. Hmmm. At 6% that’s a bunch of money.

More snow storms in the north and California, tons of rain in the west and California, tornadoes sweep the south …at Disneyland, heavy rains poured and a flash flood warning was issued as the very few guests hid under the monorail…strange weather.

Lake Jackson/Freeport native, Kristi Hoss Schiller of K9s4COPs, has donated a 3-year-old Labrador retriever named Bucee (after Buc-ee’s) to the Brazoria County Sheriff’s Office. Thank you, Kristi.

Almost three years after Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 disappeared with 239 people onboard, officials say that they have called off the underwater search for the plane.

February 4th is World Cancer Day. I take this opportunity to say “Kick Butt” to all my friends that are fighting cancer right now.

Groundhog Day is coming up on February 2. What does that mean this year? He must be so confused.

I saw a report on TV about cardboard tents for camping festivals. Their selling point was having a tent available when you are flying to a location and can’t haul all your camping gear with you…they will mail the tent to your camping location. The cardboard tent promises to withstand the roughest weather, even three days of rain and can then be recycled. They will even print text or photos on the side of the tent to make it more personal. I liked the fact that it stays dark inside long after sunrise.

You’ve heard of the English that mount their horses, blow the horn, release the fox, and follow with their dogs in hot pursuit. (I don’t think that they really do that anymore but it’s the only example I could think of.) Well, now during drone hunting, everyone hops on their dirt bike, they release the drone and the party begins. So, what happens if you bag the drone…taxidermy or crockpot?  I couldn’t find a good recipe.

According to news reports this morning, it looks like the Norovirus is making its way to our area. It’s nasty, very contagious, acts quickly and is difficult to prevent. Schools are being forced to close. Vomiting and diarrhea can come as quickly as 12-48 hours after exposure. It is carried in the air and is hard to wash away…a quick application of hand sanitizer won’t get rid of it. You must vigorously wash your hands and nails with soap and hot water for at least 30 seconds. There was more information but it’s too gross to repeat. Just take my word for it. Wash your hands.

When police in Western Australia stopped a speeding pickup truck, the driver claimed to be exceeding the legal limit because “the wind was pushing me.”  Was he just blowing in the wind?

Two employees were spending the night at a Houston gun shop because of so many previous break-ins. Shortly after midnight, one employee saw two cars pull up in the front parking lot. The employees grabbed weapons, headed for the parking lot, and returned fire, but were only able to detain two of the individuals while they called to report a burglary in progress. Shortly, two people dropped off a man at a Houston Medical Center with non-life-threatening gunshot wounds and then drove away. Now, it sounds like the potential robbers initiated the gunfire yet two of the three that were interviewed have been released because no robbery had occurred. Sigh.

David Sanborn played a great concert at The Clarion. He’s the American saxophonist that blends jazz with pop and R&B. He contracted polio at the age of three and was introduced to the saxophone as part of his therapy. By the age of 14, he was playing with legends. After studying music, he played woodstock with the Butterfield Blue Band.

Celebrate everything until further notice. Lisa Baker

What! January 19, 2017

Uncategorized January 19, 2017

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By Lisa Baker • 01-19-17

I swore I would never write about Johnny Manziel again…I lied. It is my job to keep you informed. During Super Bowl week, Manziel will have two autograph sessions where for $99 he will sign any item for you…plus $29 if you want him to write a special inscription up to “four” words. Another $99 will get you a professional photo, but if you’re looking for a bargain, it’s just $50 for a selfie. I would pay not to have to go.

An airlines worker got a free ride from Charlotte, North Carolina to Dulles Airport in Washington after a regional flight took off with him still inside the cargo hold. Oops. It was stated that no baggage handlers were harmed during this exercise.

In Florida, a pit bull named Scarface, turned on its owner who was, get this, trying to dress the dog in a sweater. The lady’s husband and adult son were also injured during the “style show.” Hospitalization and surgery were needed for the woman involved. Some people should not have children or pets. See below.

According to the USDA, the cost of raising a child in a middle class family is about $233,610. That includes housing, transportation, clothing and more. Teens cost a bit more because they eat so much and have more transportation needs. I could have told them that bit of news.

The moon is much older than scientists suspected…4.51 billion years is the newest estimate, thanks to rocks that were collected by the Apollo 14 moon-walkers in 1971. Hmmm. 46 years. Amazing information.

This is good: A Cypress man was pulled over last year for failing to use a turn signal. He had no concerns about letting the officers search his car. The officers found a sock stuffed with kitty litter to absorb moisture. Two field tests showed the substance in the sock was lots of methamphetamine. The man was jailed on $100,000 bond. The case was dismissed recently with the reason as “not a controlled substance.” Another oops.

Alligator snapping turtles are a threatened species in Texas, mainly because of the leftover monofilament fishing line which can wrap around and cause them to drown…I am reminded of a joke. There were two alligator ladies talking to each other. One says to the other, “I love your new purse.” The other alligator lady says, “Thank you, it’s my ex-husband.”  Lost in translation…

March 7-26, 2017 Rodeo Entertainment lineup was announced. Aaron Watson, Old Dominion, Chris Stapleton, Alicia Keys, Alan Jackson, The Chainsmokers, Sam Hunt, Meghan Trainor, Thomas Rhett, Luke Bryan, Fifth Harmony, Willie Nelson, Banda El Recorda and Siggno, Florida Georgia Line, ZZ Top, Chris Young, Blink 182, Dierks Bentley, Brad Paisley and The Zac Brown Band. Go to rodeohouston.com. SEE OUR AD ON PAGE 10.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYS: Legend Betty White is 95. Singer Rod Stewart is 72. Boxing Hall of Fame entrepreneur George Foreman is 68. Singer Pat Benatar is 64. Singer Naomi Judd is 71. Singer Robert Earl Keen is 61. Singer Mary J. Blige is 46.  Actress Kirstie Alley is 66. Radio-TV personality Howard Stern is 63. Entrepreneur Jeff Bezos is 53.  Amazon.com. Actress Diane Lane is 52. Dolly Parton is 71. Auto racer A.J. Foyt is 82. Actress Debbie Allen is 67. Actor/playwright Lin-Manuel Miranda is 37. Can’t wait to see what he does in the next 37 years.

The iPhone is 10 years-old. Remember when they unveiled the “phone and computer” all-in-one and we scratched our heads wondering why in the world we would need that when we had the tried and true BlackBerry in our pockets. Now every kid over the age of 7 has an iPhone in their hand and blackberries are just for fruit salad.

Ford is bringing back the Bronco that was discontinued 20 years ago (best known as the O.J. Simpson chase car) and the Ranger truck. Their return is motivated by increasing demand for SUV’s and trucks.

Research shows that many white storks have become addicted to junk food in landfill sites in Spain and Portugal, so they now live year-round in one location and don’t migrate from Europe to Africa for the winter. I wonder how this is effecting the delivery of newborns.

The average American life expectancy is now 78.8 years.

French police arrested 17 people in the October theft of more than $10 million worth of jewelry from Kim Kardashian West, who was tied up and locked in a bathroom in her Paris apartment. The suspects range in age from 23 to 72 and were tracked down through DNA evidence left in the apartment. Stupid thieves.

Buc-ee’s is going to have natural gas-powered micro-grids at 10 stores. Micro-grids will allow the stores to run on separate energy sources during power outages.

Paleontologists at China University of Geosciences discovered a dinosaur tail feather preserved in amber. It was 1.4-inches long and is stated as further proof that dinosaurs were birdlike.

George Washington first said the words in 1789…the simple presidential oath of office as part of the inauguration ceremony. “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” Many new Presidents used George Washington’s inaugural bible as they are sworn in. Others used their family bibles. John Quincy Adams used a book of laws.  Lyndon Johnson used a Catholic missal. Teddy Roosevelt did not have a book of any kind. Franklin Pierce “affirmed” rather than “swore” his oath because he had a crisis of faith after his son’s death. George W. Bush used his family bible because it was wet outside but had another swearing in after going indoors. Obama chose to use Lincoln’s Bible with Martin Luther King’s Bible underneath. A fake news site says that Trump will be using a carpet sample book. I have always tried to have great respect for the office of the President but you have to admit, that’s pretty funny.

Current law has the Vice President of the United States reciting a different oath: “I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter: So help me God.”

January 20th Inauguration Day. It’s right around the corner.

This is nuts. The National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases is now reporting that one of the best ways to prevent a peanut allergy is to give your kids peanut products starting when they are babies. Old guidelines said to never give children any peanut butter until they were at least three. As the mother of a child with a peanut allergy, this is scary information. There was no discussion about smooth vs. chunky.

After seven years of marriage, HGTV Flip or Flop stars, Tarek and Christina El Moussa will divorce. They say that they will continue to work together.

We gave milkweed seeds to our customers a couple of years ago. The drought has killed all the milkweed so we need to make it available for the Monarch butterflies since that’s the only thing they eat. It’s critical.  In my back office garden we continue to have milkweed (almost year round), which leads to the monarch egg stage (takes about 4 days), caterpillar stage (about 2 weeks), chrysalis stage (10 days), and then you have the beautiful adult butterfly which live about 2-6 weeks. SO, plant some milkweed. If you need more information, call Carol Jones at the Gulf Coast Bird Observatory. 979-480-0999. I have a monarch chrysalis on my conference table right now because I didn’t see it attached to some onions I pulled from the garden. More than beautiful, Monarch butterflies contribute to the health of our planet. Do your part.

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus announced that after 146 years of performances, they are closing in May. Good-bye to death-defying feats, the flying trapeze, lion tamers, human cannonballs and The Greatest Show on Earth.

The new Naked Chicken Chalupa taco shell is made up of all white meat seasoned fried chicken. I said Taco SHELL. The rest of the taco is lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar cheese and avocado ranch sauce. January 26th. I will have to taste it to understand it. No problem. I love Taco Bell.

A swim meet between Virginia Tech and the University of Kentucky was canceled because of a snow storm so the swimmers decided to have some fun and have a relay…in the snow…in below 20 degree weather. One swimmer said, “Even if I accomplish nothing else in this life, I did something fun.”

Because of tremendous online sales during the holiday season, Macy’s will close about 60 of its 730 stores this year and expects to cut more than 10,000 jobs. Sears said it plans to shut 150 locations including 109 of its Kmart stores. The Limited, founded in 1963, says it has closed all physical stores including 5 in the Houston area, but will continue to operate online.

A study has revealed that the kind of man a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire. No further studies are expected on this subject. Hmmm.

Gene Cernan, an early NASA astronaut who was the last man to set foot on the moon, died at the age of 82.

Steve Forbes brings up some interesting ideas in the November edition of Forbes. He suggests that with the possible collapse of ObamaCare…perhaps we should be allowed to shop nationwide for our insurance…not just state-by-state, have transparency on prices (when you walk in to The Local to eat, they give you a menu with the prices on it…don’t they) and freedom of choice to not pay for un-needed services such as pregnancy for men. That’s a good one. And we shouldn’t be forced to purchase insurance. There is more. Pull it up. It’s a good read.

The next full moon will be February 11th. New moon is January 28th.

A two-pack of the EpiPen allergy treatment can sell for more than $600. CVS is now carrying a generic version that will cost $109.99 for a two-pack.

The Time Jumpers, which is Vince Gill and “Ranger Doug” Green from Riders in the Sky (and some other people that I can’t remember) will be playing at TheGrand.com on February 11th, in Galveston.

Maybe this will get your attention…climate change…the warming waters effect the fish in the United Kingdom (fish and chips), the coffee grown near the equator, the avocados grown in California…

“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live.” Dalai Lama

A Mesquite, Texas woman was reunited with her Shih Tzu four years after the dog was taken while the family was at church. The dog was found in Las Vegas because it had been microchipped.

The earth has music for those who listen. William Shakespeare


Massive snow storms in the north, excessive rains in the west…

The doctor says to the patient… “What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?”  hmmm. I should go for a walk now.

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  • Much Ado About Nothing - Crabbiness

    by on January 4, 2018 - 0 Comments

    If you have a verifiable emergency, call 9-1-1. Indicators that you might have an emergency are the presence of more blood than can be contained in an average sized Band-aide; firearms being used inside a building that isn’t a gun range; and fire where fire shouldn’t be. All those things constitute a call to 9-1-1. […]

  • What I Heard This Week! Dec. 28, 2017

    by on December 28, 2017 - 0 Comments

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  • What I Heard This Week! Jan. 4, 2018

    by on January 4, 2018 - 0 Comments

    They ordered their pizza 5 minutes before the New Year and when it arrived they firmly stated, “Wait, we ordered this pizza a year ago.” 😊 Reliable, smart, compassionate Hoda Kobt has officially replaced Matt Lauer on “Today” and the former (fired) newsman sent her a congratulations text. Whoopee. I don’t know why it would […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Blood Donor

    by on December 21, 2017 - 0 Comments

    Christmas shopping recently quickly reminded me that this is truly the season to be bled dry. From your MasterCard, checking, savings, 401K, and your children’s college funds should all be liquidated, right? But until you’ve really opened a vein, you haven’t been bled for Christmas. This Christmas give the real gift: The Gift of Life. […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Space Trash

    by on January 11, 2018 - 0 Comments

    Attention People of Earth! It’s like this: remember that 9.4-ton unmanned space station that China launched, oh, way back when? No? Well, it’s going to be crashing into Earth sometime in the next couple of months. While nothing can ruin your day quite like being obliterated by space debris with a “Made in China” tag […]

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