Welcome, visitor! [ Register | Login

Much Ado About Nothing – Hurricane Season Again

Much Ado About Nothing June 20, 2018

Much Ado by Jean Ciampi

Hurricane Season started a few weeks ago. Again. I’m not sure I’m ready for this, to be honest. As I type this, I’m half asphyxiated with paint fumes from 14 doors, door frames, and hundreds of feet of baseboards all shiny with their fresh coat of oil-based paint. I still have a tendency to lie down on the floor to try to hug my carpet, that carpet that took no less than three months to get ordered, delivered and installed. And walking into a kitchen that has working appliances and running water still conjures a real sense of awe. No, I’m not sure I’m ready, nor do I think I’m alone in that.

Already we’ve had a “rain event” that had every news outlet and meteorologist frothing like rabid wolverines over computer models, chances for development, and generally calling for the end of human existence as we know it on the Gulf Coast. In response I’d like to say, “Stop that.” On behalf of everyone suffering with PTSD (Post Traumatic Storm Disorder), please cut the hype, doomsday predictions, and storm mongering. It makes us all break out in ugly hives or drink too much. It’s only June and already some weather girl is strapping herself to a light pole on Galveston Island waiting for her chance to be the next Jim Cantore on the Weather Channel.

If you know someone who flooded during Harvey, try to be sensitive that it’s been a long, stressful, exhausting year. Avoid making loud noises, especially those that sound like nail guns, air compressors, or power tools. Do not brag about how close the water came to almost but not actually getting into your house. This makes people who flooded hate you in a grind-your-teeth, plot-your-demise kind of way. Please don’t ask if someone had insurance unless you’re offering to purchase a sofa or replace the damaged lawn equipment. Insurance policies bring their own brand of demonic headaches.

In May, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration said there was a 75% chance of above average activity during this year’s hurricane season. I don’t even know what that means, because hurricanes are like tax audits. If you’re the one that gets it, your day is pretty much ruined. Now’s the time to pick your religion and pray that someone else draws the short straw this year.

Sponsored Links

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Stalker Stories

    by on May 17, 2018 - 0 Comments

      So a guy in Phoenix, Arizona meets Jacqueline Ades through an online dating site. They go on one date. She got a nice dinner and he got 65,000 text messages, a butcher knife, visits to his office, and the woman arrested while taking a bath after breaking into his house. According to the police […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Exploding Ants

    by on April 26, 2018 - 0 Comments

      In the dark, misguided world of ants, there’s a complete spectrum of ant terrorism that threatens all the insect world and beyond. The raspberry crazy ants must surely have a rap sheet for cocaine possession equivalent to the collective total of the Rolling Stones. Fire ants are just mean in an ugly, unified way, […]

  • What I Heard This Week! April 19, 2018

    by on April 19, 2018 - 0 Comments

    In Honor of Income Tax Week – “I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need – just so long as I die by four o’clock.” Henny Youngman There’s a new ‘solar’ garden robot named Tertill that looks like a ‘Roomba’ with a baby weed-whacker superglued on its belly. It’s weather-proof, lives patiently in your garden […]

  • What I Heard This Week! May 10, 2018

    by on May 10, 2018 - 0 Comments

    First off, Happy Mother’s Day to all great moms out there. Since both of my children will be in college this fall, I have to say that it has given me ample time to sit and think about the job I, and my village of friends, coworkers and others, have accomplished.  Well, I’m pleased with […]

  • What I Heard This Week! May 3, 2018

    by on May 3, 2018 - 0 Comments

    I loved this: In the 1960’s, people took LSD to make the world weird, Today, the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal. Riddle:  What has an eye but cannot see? Kim Jong Un hopped over a concrete barrier to enter South Korea, becoming the first North Korean leader ever to […]

Recent Comments

    Archive

    Sponsored Ads

    • Ad 1
    • Ad 2
    • Ad 3
    • Ad 4

    Facebook Friends

    RSS FOX News Headlines