Welcome, visitor! [ Register | Login

Much Ado About Nothing – Tide Pods

Much Ado About Nothing March 1, 2018

 

Much Ado by Jean Ciampi

“God grant me the detergent to wash my clothes, the food to fuel my body, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I honestly thought that the Tide pod thing had reached the pinnacle of stupid until I read a headline in the New York Daily News that said “State lawmakers implore Tide to make less tasty-looking detergent pods.” Obviously someone hasn’t realized that you can’t out-think stupid.

In case you’ve actually been leading a productive, useful life and missed it, the youth of today, the leaders of tomorrow think its fun to challenge each other to explode one of the plastic laundry detergent pods in their mouth. While this might get a bunch of other idiots to watch you do it on YouTube, it also gets you a certain level of priority in the Emergency Room since you’ve likely just poisoned yourself.

Ok, so we can all accept that teenagers have a propensity for stupid. As I recall, teenagers of my Dad’s generation had a thing for swallowing live goldfish — although in their defense, live goldfish aren’t considered deadly bio-hazards. My generation covered ourselves in baby oil before lying in the sun which is why so many of us are dealing with skin cancer. You can already see the increase in risk and the decrease in smart.

What has me smacking my own forehead in utter amazement is that government lawmakers – people that someone actually cast a ballot and put in office – are now trying to pass legislation to keep companies from making anything but food look like food. Have we devolved to such a level of ignorant that this has to happen?

If people will eat Tide pods for fun, then I can assume there are people who will still be reading this, so I’ll just say again: You can’t out-think stupid. Before you ever pass the law that requires soap to look like dirt, teenagers will have long found something more ridiculous and dangerous to do. It’s obviously not enough to just go out and win a trophy, since everyone has one of those.

The way I look at it, teenagers are finally washing their own mouths out with soap. If they could find a way to paddle their own rear ends, there might be a glimmer of hope for the future of our society.

You can also find “Much Ado About Nothing” online at www.thewriterjean.com.

Sponsored Links

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Stalker Stories

    by on May 17, 2018 - 0 Comments

      So a guy in Phoenix, Arizona meets Jacqueline Ades through an online dating site. They go on one date. She got a nice dinner and he got 65,000 text messages, a butcher knife, visits to his office, and the woman arrested while taking a bath after breaking into his house. According to the police […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - MLB Opening Day

    by on March 29, 2018 - 0 Comments

      It’s been exactly 148 days of dark, cold, baseball-less winter. Four months and 28 days since the Houston Astros won the 2017 World Series. But it is Opening Day for Major League Baseball and I’m as happy as a tick on a fat dog. The Cracker Jacks® are cracking, the hot dogs are grilling, […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Exploding Ants

    by on April 26, 2018 - 0 Comments

      In the dark, misguided world of ants, there’s a complete spectrum of ant terrorism that threatens all the insect world and beyond. The raspberry crazy ants must surely have a rap sheet for cocaine possession equivalent to the collective total of the Rolling Stones. Fire ants are just mean in an ugly, unified way, […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Spring Break

    by on March 22, 2018 - 0 Comments

      Dear Kenmore Elite Washer and Dryer, I am so sorry. I understand that there are limits to your capacity and capabilities to perform your set functions, but I can’t tell my college students not to come home with a half-semester’s worth of dirty laundry. Of course, you and I have developed a machine-human relationship […]

  • What I Heard This Week! April 4, 2018

    by on April 5, 2018 - 0 Comments

    A couple of years ago, my daughter and I were often (very often) in the car driving to another town for water polo, so we listened to ‘Serial’, an investigative journalism podcast hosted by Sarah Keonig who narrates a nonfiction story over multiple episodes. The story was about Adnan Syed, who was convicted in 2000 […]

Archive

Sponsored Ads

  • Ad 1
  • Ad 2
  • Ad 3
  • Ad 4

Facebook Friends

RSS FOX News Headlines