Welcome, visitor! [ Register | Login

Much Ado About Nothing – Family Court

Much Ado About Nothing May 31, 2018

 

Much Ado by Jean Ciampi

In this trough between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, there is no better time to take a look at some examples of beautiful, happy families in their natural habitat: the courtroom. Parents are busy suing their children while the kids are getting lawyered up to go after their parents. Tell me, Hallmark, how are you going to handle this fine kettle of smelly family fish?

In St. Louis, 17-year old Anthony Dwight is suing his biological parents because he was born white. Did this boy skip Biology class in school? Exactly why would he expect his very white, Midwestern parents to produce anything but a white child? But yet he wants to hold them responsible for their “selfish desire to bring another white child into this world,” which, I’m sure, no one regrets right now more than they do. Of course, this is nothing that $20,000 to pay for the treatment to turn his skin color to “dark black” wouldn’t cure. Maybe they just need to turn his behind a bright red.

And Michael Rotondo. THIRTY YEARS OLD and his parents had to get a court order to have him removed from their couch after eight years! I’m guessing they already tried throwing his Xbox into the front yard so when he frantically ran out there to reclaim it they could lock the doors and bar the windows. This college educated, deadbeat dad then whined in court that he didn’t have money for moving boxes so he couldn’t leave. I don’t know about the liquor stores in New York, but around these parts, you can pick up some nice, sturdy boxes for free.

Since I’m always looking for the silver lining, I’m ready to jump on the opportunity presenting itself here! I am going to hang out a lawyer shingle for my new firm, “Grow the Heck Up Legal Services.” I’m not sure what white Anthony Dwight is paying his lawyer (where did he get that money?), but I’ll represent his parents for free. That I’ve never been to law school is beside the point. I’ll simply show up in court and throw out the GROW THE HECK UP defense. Same with Michael Rotondo: Grow the Heck Up! Case closed.

Ultimately, though, the way to avoid these situations all together is, when you have the choice, just raise hogs instead

Sponsored Links

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Stalker Stories

    by on May 17, 2018 - 0 Comments

      So a guy in Phoenix, Arizona meets Jacqueline Ades through an online dating site. They go on one date. She got a nice dinner and he got 65,000 text messages, a butcher knife, visits to his office, and the woman arrested while taking a bath after breaking into his house. According to the police […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - MLB Opening Day

    by on March 29, 2018 - 0 Comments

      It’s been exactly 148 days of dark, cold, baseball-less winter. Four months and 28 days since the Houston Astros won the 2017 World Series. But it is Opening Day for Major League Baseball and I’m as happy as a tick on a fat dog. The Cracker Jacks® are cracking, the hot dogs are grilling, […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Exploding Ants

    by on April 26, 2018 - 0 Comments

      In the dark, misguided world of ants, there’s a complete spectrum of ant terrorism that threatens all the insect world and beyond. The raspberry crazy ants must surely have a rap sheet for cocaine possession equivalent to the collective total of the Rolling Stones. Fire ants are just mean in an ugly, unified way, […]

  • What I Heard This Week! April 4, 2018

    by on April 5, 2018 - 0 Comments

    A couple of years ago, my daughter and I were often (very often) in the car driving to another town for water polo, so we listened to ‘Serial’, an investigative journalism podcast hosted by Sarah Keonig who narrates a nonfiction story over multiple episodes. The story was about Adnan Syed, who was convicted in 2000 […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Coffee Cancer

    by on April 5, 2018 - 0 Comments

      And in happier news… well, there’s none of that. But California says your coffee will give you cancer, so you’ve got that to look forward to. According to the courts, roasting coffee beans creates – along with a steamy, hot cup of Joe — a chemical called acrylamide which has been linked to cancer. […]

Recent Comments

    Archive

    Sponsored Ads

    • Ad 1
    • Ad 2
    • Ad 3
    • Ad 4

    Facebook Friends

    RSS FOX News Headlines