Much Ado About Nothing – Funeral Facts
I’m toodling through town the other day and suddenly realize I’m in the lane next to a funeral procession. At that point, though, there’s no way to gracefully change the situation. What to do?! Well, I had a little time to think about it because I ended up at a traffic light stopped aside a respectably long line of moving mourners. There we all sat: me in my car and the grieving family in the limo next to me. To say I wanted to die only makes the whole thing that much more awkward.
So as soon as they turned to go to the cemetery and I turned to go in search of my dignity, I decided to find out exactly what the protocol is for funeral processions. In a kinder, gentler America, we use to pull to the side of the road and wait for it to pass. Respect these days, though, has been left as roadkill and not likely to be a consideration, especially among drivers who can’t so much as use their turn signals. For the record, I did use my turn signal to change into the non-grief lane of traffic before realizing there was a good reason that lane was open. Duh.
Through a Google search, I discovered that, for, one thing, you can hire mourners for a funeral if you’re worried no one will show up. Really? You can rent-a-friend for a dead person? I’m just going to throw this out there, but maybe think ahead a little and help grandma not be isolated before she’s dead so she actually has real friends that are sad she’s gone.
I also learned there actually are no set rules of the road for funeral processions. While some people mistakenly believe you have to pull over, even on the other side of the road, it may or may not be the law in your state or even community. Some places say funerals have to stop for traffic lights. Some say it’s okay for the whole line to go on through without stopping. Who knows. Call City Hall where you live.
In general, don’t ever cut into a funeral procession or get impatient. If it’s safe, pull to the side. One day you’ll be dead, too, so try not to rush it by doing something stupid and causing an accident. And now you know.
