Much Ado About Nothing – “Purse Problems”
I know women who change their purses as often as they change their shoes. They’re always perfectly matched and coordinated which seems just a little shifty to me. Can you really trust a woman who can’t commit to one purse for more than one day? I say not. Personally, if I find a purse I like, I want a bond with it that will outlive the Apocalypse. Unfortunately, the purse usually taps out long before I do which is what happened recently, forcing me to find a new purse. Oh, the inhumanity of it all.
The only thing more daunting than purse shopping might be finding jeans that fit right or a bathing suit that doesn’t cause debilitating emotional trauma. For me, the process involves looking at every single available purse in a two state radius, narrowing the field to approximately ten possibilities, then taking everything from the outgoing purse and testing compatibility with the new candidates. If you’re someone who doesn’t do a regular purse purge, this is a bit embarrassing to do in public. And that’s today’s lesson learned.
Who knew I still had an individually wrapped Hostess cupcake that was given to me by a woman selling no-stick cookware. It was a bit worse for wear considering how many times my wallet must have been dropped on it. I found the garage door opener for a house I haven’t owned in 8 years, three gently used Kleenex, a jury summons, an expired asthma inhaler, and what may have or may not have been a contact lens. I had a lip balm without a cap, one earring, and four grocery store coupons paper clipped together that had expired during the Clinton Administration.
Because I have the same level of devotion for my wallet that I have for my purse, the new purse has to match the old wallet. I also don’t want to cause my wallet undue stress by purchasing a purse that costs more than my house payment. Oh, and the new purse has to pretty much match everything I could possibly wear. I’m not sure if I want a purse so much as the messiah of leather accessories. You see my struggle.
But good news: After two weeks of carrying my purse possessions around in a plastic bag, I have a winner! That problem is now solved for another two decades!
