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Much Ado About Nothing – Shopping

Much Ado About Nothing March 15, 2018

 

Much Ado by Jean Ciampi

Some women are shopaholics, whether they admit it or not. For some, an intervention and a 12-step program should really be more critical than the One-Day-Only sale at Kohl’s. Personally, I’m not one of those women. At the same time, I’m not one who is wearing the same outfit since 1987 because I don’t want to go to the mall. (By the way, that outfit is back in style!). Regardless of where you fall on the shopping spectrum, there are a few things that are just torturous to shop for.

Jeans. Jeans are not fun to shop for. While pretty much any t-shirt can be worn by pretty much any person, jeans are individual. The perfect pair of jeans that will fit great and be comfortable are usually found next to the unicorns and the bags of Purina Big Foot Chow. You have to have your fat jeans for the days when it’s better to feel good than to look good. There are your weekend jeans, painting jeans, dress up jeans, wear with heels jeans. And really, none of them fit perfectly. With jeans, you just have to get close and live with it.

What’s worse than shopping for jeans? Shopping for bras. Sorry, guys, but if we have to suffer, so do you. This is implanted on our female psyches at an impressionable age by our mothers. It’s a miserable task, take my word for it. You have to find the one that makes you stand up, stand out and not give you back boobs. You know, back boobs, that fat that rolls over the top of your bra strap in back right between your armpits and your spine. So not pretty. Shopping for bras is nothing like a Victoria Secret commercial. There’s no angel there with a measuring tape making the experience all ethereal. It’s usually some really old lady who’s had tuna sandwiches for lunch for the past 16 years.

And at the top of the list of things we all hate to shop for: bathing suits. Unless you’re an Olympic qualifier, Speedo is not a brand anyone should consider in any style. The simplest way to handle bathing suit shopping is to accept that you’re going to be miserable and be grateful for winter because suddenly jeans aren’t so bad.

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