Jean Ciampi is on vacation. This week’s guest columnist is her dog, Buster. As a proud alumni of the Brazoria County SPCA, Buster is currently an advocate for animal rights (with the exclusion of squirrels which he believes get what they deserve).
Yes, she’s on vacation in France, probably eating French fries and French toast. Not that I give one wag. Because, after nearly 14 years, I thought I could be confident that my people would have my best interest at heart. Looking back, I don’t know where that misplaced trust comes from as these are the same people that shipped me off to live in Saudi Arabia for three years, a place known for their disdain of dogs and a sick fondness for cats. But here they are proving again what a disappointment they are.
Although I’m not sure how, as I find no spot where they could have dug under the fence, my people have slipped their leashes and run off, leaving me at home — with the teenage boy. Don’t they realize that SPCA and CPS have a lot of the same letters for a reason?! Who thought this was a good idea? Not me!
The one who is now responsible for feeding me is the one who would probably eat out of a trash can. Seriously, some of the garbage I’ve seen that kid eat! Makes a dog pray that there are no table scraps. And that’s who they left as the keeper of the kibble? I’m going to starve!
I guess I can forget my walks for a while, too, unless there’s a video game for dog walking. Maybe if we get the Wi-Fi password for every house in the neighborhood, he could bring his computer with us and still stay connected. He acts like he’s the only one with business to take care of! Hasn’t he thought that maybe I need to go check my pee-mail, send and receive a few messages from my dog friends?
I suppose it could be worse: I could be at the kennel, that horrible place where I’d get brushed and bathed, three squares, regular romp time, doggy social hour, and my ears scratched. Yeah, good thing they didn’t send me there. So have fun in France, people. The kid and I will be here throwing wild house parties.