Police say that a Connecticut woman charged with driving under the influencewas drunk on vanilla extract. They found her sitting in her car at an intersection with her eyes closed and several bottles of pure vanilla extract on the seat next to her. We had a little discussion in my office about alcohol content of vanilla extract. I make my own vanilla extract with straight rum, vodka or bourbon and Madagascar vanilla beans, so alcohol content depends on the alcohol proof. Alcohol proof in the US is defined as twice the percentage of alcohol by volume. Therefore, 100-proof whiskey contains 50% alcohol by volume; 86-proof whiskey contains 43% alcohol. But depending on the brand, extract that you buy in the store has a large percentage of water. I guess I had never thought of getting drunk on extract. Why not just buy the straight liquor? It would be cheaper. Hmmm. So many unanswered questions.
Like I’ve always said, love wouldn’t be blind if the braille weren’t so damned much fun. Armistead Maupin
PHO: Hey. I found out the secret to using purple cabbage in soup without it turning your broth purple, therefore making everything in your soup look very grey. Thinly slice your cabbage then let it soak in cold water for a while, then pat it dry before you put it in your soup – the water pulls the purple color out and your broth stays pretty. Thank you for sharing this with me, Ashley.
All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt. Charles M. Schulz
You know when you break a big wad of spaghetti in half, so it fits into your pot, it tends to shatter into three or more tiny fragments plus the big pieces that you’re still holding in your hands. According to Science News, the secret is to twist the strand then bend to break it. They said, “When the spaghetti is twisted, it doesn’t bend as far before breaking, so the vibrations that rattle the broken halves aren’t strong enough to spur further fractures.” Well, I went straight to my pantry so I could test it, but all I had was angel hair pasta which is so much thinner than spaghetti pasta. Imagine broken pieces of pasta all over the kitchen, plus it took forever to break enough pasta for my dinner. About the time I was finished ‘breaking’ pasta, the first pieces that I have put in the hot water had been cooking for 6 minutes and were ready to eat. Not a real practical help in the kitchen but the cats enjoyed chasing the pasta bits as they flew here and there. Mostly there.
Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. Groucho Marx
I know this is old news, but because I didn’t have room in this column last week, we never discussed the fact that Adam Levine removed his shirt at Super Bowl halftime. Now, why did he do that? To appear younger? To appear a little hipper? To be like Janet Jackson? I never believed that Janet Jackson’s 2004 wardrobe malfunction was accidental, and I never, ever wanted to see her boob, but why can Levine remove his shirt and Jackson can’t. There are places that a woman can’t and won’t breastfeed, but Levine was half naked. It just doesn’t make sense. Now, I’m not saying that he didn’t look VERY nice with his shirt off, it’s just a question.
The US surgeon general is now saying that swift action and aggressive steps must be taken to prevent millions of teens and adolescents from becoming hooked on Juul and other high-nicotine electronic cigarettes. “Adults should learn about e-cigarettes and talk to their children about the risks.” That’s YOU! Parents, grandparents and friends. There’s even a vape shop at the mall now.
RECENT BIRTHDAYS: Singer songwriter Marshall Chapman is 70. Country singer David Lee Murphy is 60. Rock musician Kathy Valentine is 60. The Go-Go’s, the first all-female band to have a #1 album in the U.S. Actor Nicholas Cage is 55. Actor Jerry Adler is 90. Herman ‘Hesh’ Rabkin on The Sopranos.
Football Hall of Fame Lawrence Taylor is 60. Baseball Hall of Fame Hank Aaron is 85. Financial writer Jane Bryant Quinn is 80. Rock singer Al Kooper is 75. Blood Sweat and Tears. Actress Laura Linney is 55. Singer Bobby Brown is 50. Talk show host Oprah Winfrey is 65. Pop rock singer Adam Lambert is 37. American Idol. Actor Mike Farrell is 80. Captain B.J. Hunnicutt on M*A*S*H.
Actor Michael Tucker is 75. L.A. Law.Actress Kathy Najimy is 62. Hocus Pocus, I loved that movie.Country singer Barbara Mandrell is 70. She retired from performing in 1997.
British actorAlbert Finney died at the age of 82. In 1963, Finney won the love of audiences worldwide with his good-natured, funny and sensual portrayal of an 18th-century English rogue in Tom Jones which won a ‘Best Picture’ Oscar.
Frank Robinson, the first black manager in Major League Baseball and the only player to win MVP in both leagues, died of bone cancer at the age of 83.
I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up and for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV. Tracy Smith
Inspired by Kellogg’s Froot Loops cereal, Carl’s Jr.recently introduced Froot Loops MiniDonuts on their breakfast menu. Five very vibrant colors – red, yellow, purple, green and blue that tastes just like the cereal. I would have driven over to Angleton and prepared myself a little better before I gave you this information (and tasted them so I could tell you for sure), but they wouldn’t answer their phone today. I called 3 times. Sorry. The donuts are still listed on an online nutrition chart.
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
The LJ Historical Association is presenting An Evening with Ronee Martin on Friday February 15th, at The Clarion at Brazosport College. She is considered a well-kept secret in the music industry and will charm you when sheperforms your favorite songs by your favorite artists including Dionne Warwick, Gladys Knight, Aretha Franklin, Bonnie Raitt, Tammy Wynette and Willie Nelson. Do you remember her from Season 11 of America’s Got Talent? What a great Valentine’s gift for your sweetie! Tickets at the LJ Historical Museum and TheClarion box office.
Love -A wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. Unknown
Just last year, the Equanimity yacht was valued at $250 million, loaded with helicopter pad, room for 22 guests, a spa and beauty shop. The 300-foot ship failed to sell at auction after being seized by the Malaysian government, so it is now listed for the bargain price of just $130 million. Wow.
Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. Mickey Rooney
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. Too much fraternizing with the enemy. Henry Kissinger
A couple were beachcombing along Padre Island and found an old bottle with a message inside. They opened the bottle with a wine bottle opener and extracted the note with an ice pick and tweezers. The bottle was one of 7,863 bottles that were released in the Gulf of Mexico from Feb 1962 to Dec 1963 by the Galveston Laboratory of the US Bureau of Commercial Fisheries (now known as NOAA Fisheries). Each bottle contained a note instructing the finder to break the bottle, fill out the enclosed post card and then mail it in to claim a .50 cent reward. The study was done to determine the role that water currents play in the movement of young shrimp from offshore spawning grounds to inshore nursery grounds. This bottle had been at sea for more than 56 years.
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. Ingrid Bergman
A woman that was looking for a place to smoke some pot, happened into an abandoned home in SE Houston and found a 400-lb. male tiger inside. He appeared to be well fed and in good shape. He now has a new home at the Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch in Murchison in East Texas. The ranch is not a zoo but a world-renowned 1,400-acre animal sanctuary that was founded in 1979 by author and animal advocate Cleveland Amory, open to the public 1-2 times per month for small, prescheduled guided tours to respect the peace and privacy of the animals. It is home to more than 800 domestic and exotic animals, many of whom have been rescued from near-death situations such as slaughterhouses, biomedical research labs, roadside zoos and public land that is threatened. What a happy story for the tiger. I hope he has a wonderful life from now on, finds a sweet lady tiger…you know, the whole shebang.
Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. Lynda Barry
Hong Kong police destroyed a German-made mud-covered grenade from WWI after the device showed up at a potato chip factory in a shipment of potatoes imported from France.
Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.
A 14-year-old Florida girl ordered two Papa John’s pizzas, had them delivered to a neighbor’s house, then stole the pizza delivery driver’s car as he was taking the pizzas to the door. The girl’s dad says that her text messages show that she planned to use the car to meet her boyfriend and that the two of them were talking about robbing people and ‘other’ things. He also said that his daughter needs a (rear end) whipping and maybe jail. The policemen got to eat the pizzas.
Please note the wonderful Valentine poem on this page (look to your right.) Mr. Corder has been writing poems for many years and has been kind enough to share several of them with us in the past few years. He also brought us some beautiful roses for Valentine’s Day. Thank you, Mr. Corder.
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia. H. L. Mencken
Thank you for taking time out of your busy week to read this. My son told me that Valentine’s Day is something thought up by merchants to sell stuff. Oh, really? I explained to him that it is just an excuse to tell people that you love them when you really should be saying I love you, EVERY SINGLE day.So, don’t forget to share your love this week, next week. And the week after…
Happy Valentine’s Day.Lisa
