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What I Heard This Week! 05-27-2021

What I Heard This Week May 27, 2021

The biggest insect emergence on the planet.  This is the short story. Many parts of the Midwest and eastern US will experience a 17-year Brood X Cicada emergence in May and June of 2021. Cicadas (suh-kaa-duh) are harmless to humans, arrive in huge numbers in parks, wooded areas, and neighborhoods, but only when the ground warms to 64 degrees. The cicada live underground for 17 years, emerging near the end of their life cycle. When they arrive in abundance, they fly, land, and crawl everywhere, including on a few humans. Just imagine one stuck in your hair. As they emerge from the ground, they head for something upright like trees, where they molt, assume adult wings, and become the greatest of yummy meals for birds, squirrels, and other wildlife.  The males that are left create a very loud noise (often up around 100 decibels), to attract a mate; loud because the males try to drown out all their rival’s songs. Then they mate. Within hours, the females lay as many as 400-600 eggs in small tree branches and the trunks of trees. Males can mate several times, but the female usually mates only once. (Where have I heard that before?) The eggs hatch in 6 to 10 weeks, then they fall to the ground and burrow into the soil, not to be seen again here until 2038. The adult cicada lives for two to four weeks longer, then dies. Some people say that if you deep-fry them like a potato chip, then smother them in salt and spices, they are delicious to eat. You must also consume at least 4 ounces of alcohol rapidly.


The New York Post stated that Martha Stewart has a ‘muster’ of 16 beautiful peacocks on her property. Martha shot back that this is ‘fake news’ since she actually owns 21 of the glorious birds. On her farm she has a menagerie of animals, including Friesian horses, canaries, geese, dogs, donkeys, and chickens.


George Strait will make his return to the stage to close out the 90th anniversary of the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. The King of Country Music is set to make his 31st RodeoHouston appearance during a special, concert-only event Sunday, March 20, 2022. Tickets for this performance will go on sale to the public Thursday, June 24, with a limit of four tickets per person. Tickets will be available at rodeohouston.com.


For those of you that missed Wednesday’s Super Flower Blood Moon eclipse (it was a full moon, a supermoon and a total lunar eclipse on the same night – a rare lunar trifecta), do not despair, you will be able to catch another eclipse on the night of November 18 to 19. Only the thinnest little, tiny sliver of the moon will remain, but it will be very much like a total eclipse.


Adam & Eve. First ones to ignore Apple terms and conditions.


With all the rain, my tomatoes plants are growing like crazy, but the ants are also looking for high ground. I was staking plants last week and got into an ant bed several times. My ankles and wrists look pretty bad right now but would have been worse, had I not rubbed toothpaste on most of the bites when I came inside. I was the kid that always had an ant farm while growing up, so I understand that ants do so much good in a garden to aerate soil, pollinate, and control pests. Typically, I just try to stay out of their way, but enough is enough. So, I Googledhow to get rid of ants in the garden naturally” and of course, all the common suggestions that I have tried in the past, came up. Cinnamon or cayenne pepper around your plants, diatomaceous earth, brewed coffee grounds, boric acid & sugar traps, and boiling water. I have tried them all, but one method was new to me. “Distribute artificial sweetener near the ants.” Reportedly this is fatal to ants. Hmmm. Don’t you think we might want to reconsider before adding this stuff to our coffee and tea every day? I will let you know.  Sweet’ N Low, here I come.


Do you know someone who is eligible for a vaccine but does not have internet access? Please let them know they can call (833) 832-7067 for referral to a local vaccine provider.


RECENT BIRTHDAYS: Jazz singer Dee Dee Bridgewater is 71. Actor Peri Gilpin, Roz on Frasier is 60.  Guitarist Lenny Davidson of The Dave Clark Five is 77. Country singer Wynonna Judd is 57. Actor-director Clint Eastwood is 91. Actor Sharon Gless of Cagney and Lacey is 78. Actor Tom Berenger is 71. Actor Brooke Shields is 56. Singer Pat Boone is 87. Actor Morgan Freeman is 84. Actor Lisa Hartman Black is 65. Actor Sally Kellerman is 84. Singer-actor Michelle Phillips of the Mamas & The Papas is 77.

Saxophonist Kenny G is 65. Drummer Charlie Watts of the Rolling Stones is 80. Actor Jerry Mathers of Leave It to Beaver is 73. Singer Ian Hunter of Mott the Hoople is 82. Singer Eddie Holman is 75. 1970 hit Hey There Lonely Girl. Country singer Don Reid of the Statler Brothers is 76. Guitarist Fred Stone of Sly and the Family Stone is 74. Financial expert Suze Orman is 70. Drummer Nicko McBrain of Iron Maiden is 69. Singer Peter Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary is 83. Actor Ron Ely is 83. NBC’s Tarzan 1966-68.


Johnny Crawford, one of the original Mouseketeers, died at 75. He had Alzheimer’s and had contracted both COVID-19 and pneumonia. He was best known as playing Mark McCain on The Rifleman for 5-seasons, which earned him Emmy nomination for best supporting actor at age 13. Samuel E. Wright, the voice of Sebastian in The Little Mermaid movie, died at 74. He was a seasoned Broadway actor but also played the purple bunch-of-grapes character in commercials for Fruit of the Loom underwear. Former Republican Sen. John Warner, who represented Virginia in the US Senate for three decades and was widely respected for his views on military affairs, died at 94. He was married and divorced from Elizabeth Taylor, remaining friends until her death in 2011.


Hurricane season officially starts June 1st and is expected to be an above average season this year. Subtropical storm Ana, formed in the Atlantic last Saturday and was the first named storm of the 2021 Atlantic hurricane season. For the seventh year in a row, there has been a named storm that formed prior to the official start of hurricane season. A tropical disturbance off the coast of Texas resulted in flooding in parts of Texas, Louisiana, and Mississippi, last week. A perfect example of when above average is definitely not a good thing. Heck, I never took down my storm shutters from last year.


Two fishermen spotted a large object floating in North Carolina’s Bogue Inlet between Emerald Isle and Hammocks Beach State Park (aka Bear Island) that turned out to be a very alive black bear. “When we first saw it, we thought it was a log or something floating in the water, but the closer we got, we decided it was some type of animal.” The fishermen were unable to get the struggling bear to turn back towards the mainland because they feared their help was “freaking” out the bear. “A lot of people are wondering why we didn’t try to help, but you just don’t put a wild bear in the boat and drop it off at the island.”


Speed up the ripening process of hard avocados by placing them in a paper bag with bananas. The gases emitted from the bananas will get those avocados soft and ready to use in no time.


You know I take every opportunity to discuss recycling. Yes, it IS work, but it is OUR responsibility. There is only one Earth, and we are leaving an absolute mess for children and grandchildren. I love the Stella Roberts Recycling Center in Pearland that recycles for all Brazoria County. My daughter is now on her way with a car full. Pre-sort clean paper, cardboard, glass, and plastics. No grocery sacks. You can use cardboard boxes, re-usable totes, or tote bags to deliver your recyclables. They ask that you separate colored glass from clear and break down cardboard. It is always best to call before you go, in case they are short-staffed. Current hours Tues. to Sat. 9-1, so, try to get there by 12:45. Stay in your car and get in line prepared to move very quickly, since they unload. There is a donation box if you are feeling courteous, kind, and gracious. Shredding – small fee. I discovered they even accept fluorescent bulbs.  Check website for details. The Earth is a really neat place. Let us work together to keep it that way. Recycle.


Lipstick sales have jumped more than 80% as everyone’s social calendars, meetings, and family events are filling back up. Federal officials from the US Secret Service have helped recover $2 billion in fraudulently obtained COVID-19 relief funds. Every new Lamborghini will have an electric motor by the end of 2024. Better get mine ordered fast. 😊 There will be a cat joining the White House soon. It is reported that Major Biden is back and doing fine after a short adjustment, and time-out period. Well, just wait until he hears about THE cat.  Atlantic City 1st quarter casino earnings have more than tripled. The FDA approved the Pfizer and Moderna Vaccines, safe and effective for ages 12 and up.  The world’s largest iceberg just broke off the Antarctica shelf, and measures a whooping 15.5 miles wide, roughly the shape of Manhattan (think ironing board) but about 80 times larger. If this does not scare you, then you are not scare-able. The goal to have at least one COVID vaccine in the arm of 70% of adults by July 4, would sure be nice for those of us that are waiting for the slackers to catch up. Delta Air Lines is requiring new employees to get the Covid-19 vaccine, making it one of the largest US companies to issue a mandate. Many celebrities are investing in a TikTok-like app for kids, called Zigazoo. Oh, good. MGM just sold to Amazon for $8.45 BILLION. That does NOT endear me to Amazon at all.


When I was a kid, people were told to use seat belts, so my mom had them installed in our bronze-colored 1960 Buick Electra. Not everyone shared the same beliefs as my mom. She said that she had a hard time finding someone that would install them, but finally, she was able to drag three kids to Sears & Roebuck to install. That was a few years ago, but I still remember it. My parents absolutely did not have money to spend on seat belts, so to me it said LOVE. In the 60’s, we were told to get a polio vaccine so we wouldn’t contract polio. Measures all meant to save lives, so why do humans challenge everything. There is so much, “I’m in charge now, so you can’t tell me what to do” attitude. In the case of masks and vaccines, objectors are not only putting themselves in harm’s way, but also the people around them. So now, to spur on the American people, they are being bribed, and it seems to be working. The Ohio Lottery is offering 4yr. full-ride scholarships to state colleges. Residents over age 18 will vie for a weekly $1-million prize. Great incentive. Employers are offering cash bonuses, on-site clinics, paid leave, and more. The Navy is including more freedom of movement at port calls and the ending of pre-deployment quarantine. Some Army and Marine Corps bases have begun offering extra days off and reduced restrictions on freedom of movement for service members. Delaware is offering 4-day vacations, scholarships, State Parks passes, tickets, camping, and prize packages along with cash drawings. States are encouraged to use creativity to get it done. It is working but isn’t it a shame that society requires enticement, a buy-out, or gifts in exchange for doing the right thing. We must seem really selfish to countries that have only 2% of the population vaccinated because of vaccine shortages.


Con artists are getting smarter. A woman received a legitimate-looking fraud alert from Chase notifying her of $505 purchase at Walmart. The text message asked for confirmation that the purchase was hers. She texted back that she had no knowledge. Almost immediately, she received a call from a “Chase customer service representative,” that appeared to originate from Chase. The rep needed to secure her checking account and texted her a verification code to make sure she was the account holder. He also shared the last four digits of her SS# which she confirmed. Nothing suspicious. As she spoke with the rep, she opened her banking app and changed her password. The rep knew immediately that it had changed. The rep said he would be sending her a case number by email and hung up abruptly. Within seconds, her husband received a text from their bank notifying him that almost all their money had been transferred elsewhere. $10,000. There is more to this story for next week and it is not good. Enjoy the beautiful sunshine, and please do not forget to honor the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military.

LISA

Banana Trees and the Road to Hell

Much Ado About Nothing May 25, 2017

Jean Ciampi - Much Ado About NothingMuch Ado About Nothing by Jan Ciampi

I can’t verify this, but if things continue as they are, I may be driven to the point that I have the opportunity to find out first-hand. But, I’m pretty sure that the road to Hell is trimmed in banana plants, those big, floppy-leafed scourges of the yard. The only thing that could possibly make banana plants more hatefully heinous would be cross-breeding them with poison oak. At which point, we need to tap out and surrender the planet because we’ve lost the war on agri-terrorism.

If you’re considering planting one of these pests in your yard, just go home because you’re drunk. You’d be better off – and definitely happier in the long run – if you simply backed up a cement truck and paved over your entire property. Although, this may be the only way to get rid of the chlorophyll creatures from the pits of someplace unspeakable once you’ve got them.

Despite my homeowners association frowning on such thing, I’m talking napalm, flame-throwers, small nuclear devices detonated from a safe distance across the street. Voodoo and practitioners of the dark arts are also not off the table in my battle against the bananas. Here’s the problem: you can hack them to the roots, dig them out and salt the earth and they’ll still find a way to come back. They’re vegetational herpes. This is truly the price we’ve paid for the whole mishap in the Garden of Eden: God said, “Get out and go live in shame with the banana plants.”

So after two long, bloody years of hand-to-leaf combat, I finally felt I had eradicated the green plague. Then as I’m licking my wounds and trying to recover from the resulting PTSD, the banana plant in my neighbor’s yard has sent up a scout on my side of the fence. Naturally, I’m triggered. The machete has long since been put in a locked location to keep me from hurting myself or others (like my neighbor who obviously shops in the garden center at ISIS Depot).

Unless your family name is Dole and you live in a jungle in Nicaragua, there’s no reason to have banana plants. Propagating this problem should be considered a crime against all humanity and punished accordingly. For the sake of all that’s holy, If you want a banana, go to Kroger.

  • What I Heard This Week 10-26-2023

    by on October 25, 2023 - 0 Comments

    Former US astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, recently remarried for the fourth time, which also happened to be on the occasion of his 93rd birthday. This time it was to Dr. Anca Faur, his 63-year-old, long-time companion (who looks like she wants to be 27), has a PhD in chemical engineering, and is now the executive vice president of Aldrin’s company, Buzz Aldrin Ventures.  He was first married to Joan Ann Archer in 1954 until divorcing in 1974. The next year he married Beverly Van Zile; they divorced after three years. His third marriage was to Lois Driggs Cannon in 1988 on Valentine's Day, divorcing 23 years later. Looks like he hasn’t given up on ‘love’ quite yet. He has sued two of his children and his former business manager claiming they stole money from him and are slandering his legacy, and that they also undermined his "personal romantic relationships" by forbidding him from getting married. His children say he is also spending money at an alarming rate. Sounds like those children are out of luck. There is a new sheriff in town and her name is MRS. Aldrin. ☹ Notes: Aldrin is also a strong advocate for human exploration of Mars. In 2002, he escaped assault charges after punching a man who demanded he swear on a Bible that the Moon landing was not staged. Good for him. He also said, “Tang sucks. “

  • What I Heard This Week 11-30-2023

    by on November 29, 2023 - 0 Comments

    Former US astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, recently remarried for the fourth time, which also happened to be on the occasion of his 93rd birthday. This time it was to Dr. Anca Faur, his 63-year-old, long-time companion (who looks like she wants to be 27), has a PhD in chemical engineering, and is now the executive vice president of Aldrin’s company, Buzz Aldrin Ventures.  He was first married to Joan Ann Archer in 1954 until divorcing in 1974. The next year he married Beverly Van Zile; they divorced after three years. His third marriage was to Lois Driggs Cannon in 1988 on Valentine's Day, divorcing 23 years later. Looks like he hasn’t given up on ‘love’ quite yet. He has sued two of his children and his former business manager claiming they stole money from him and are slandering his legacy, and that they also undermined his "personal romantic relationships" by forbidding him from getting married. His children say he is also spending money at an alarming rate. Sounds like those children are out of luck. There is a new sheriff in town and her name is MRS. Aldrin. ☹ Notes: Aldrin is also a strong advocate for human exploration of Mars. In 2002, he escaped assault charges after punching a man who demanded he swear on a Bible that the Moon landing was not staged. Good for him. He also said, “Tang sucks. “

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Texan in Winter

    by on December 6, 2018 - 0 Comments

    The power went out at my house last night for four hours. While this may not seem like a major catastrophe as it was the middle of the night and […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - “Human Bait”

    by on January 16, 2020 - 0 Comments

    My dad always told me to have a backup plan in case my current job doesn’t work out. I wasn’t sure what that’d be until I saw this ad: “HUMAN […]

  • What I Heard This Week! December 20, 2018

    by on December 20, 2018 - 0 Comments

    The AK-47 is a type of assault rifle originally manufactured in the Soviet Union in 1949. A 17-year-old Humble High School student accidently shot herself recently with an AK-47 that […]

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