I’m the weather kiss of death. We moved back to the Texas coast in time for Hurricane Harvey to clean our clocks. Then we moved to Michigan mere weeks before the start of a winter the old timers say is the worst in their memory. What then made me think it was a good idea to book a trip to Colorado for Spring Break? Snow skiing? In snow! When I already live where it has been consistently snowing between ice storms since October. I’d lost my bean-sized brain.

Honestly, the first couple of days of skiing were great. It wasn’t horribly cold; the sun was out; people were happily shooshing down the slopes; and none of us made deadly impact with a tree. Then the Great Winter Bomb Cyclone of 2019 struck. It was as if winter was waiting for me to cautiously creep out of Michigan before attacking me with a category 2 snowicane the likes of which had not been seen in mid-March since dinosaurs roamed the area. For that matter, I’d bet it was a storm just like that one that killed off the dinosaurs.

Besides knocking us off the slopes, the storm cancelled hundreds of flights out of Denver stranding innocent people desperately trying to get to warmer locations like Hawaii and Florida where Spring Break is fun, relaxing, and uncomplicated. Then, to make sure we were securely caught in the net of winter woes, the entire fleet of Boeing 737 Max 8’s was grounded, including our flight home. Well played, Winter, well played. But we have credit cards and preferred status with Avis! We were down, but not out.

One small rented hybrid pointed east and we were back on top. One thousand two hundred seventy-three miles home. After a stop for questionable tacos somewhere in the middle of Nebraska and re-routing to avoid river flooding in Iowa (which I should also probably take responsibility for) we stopped for the night in Peru. Not Peru-the-country, Peru-the-map-dot-in-Illinois. Winter, however, doesn’t sleep. It snowed all night, and we had to follow the plows to get out of the state.

Honestly, there’s no end! However, for several reasonable payments, I’ll promise to not come visit where you live. Those of you in Tornado Alley, this is a solid deal before I make plans for next Spring Break!