The world can be an ugly, broken place full of horrible things we just can’t possibly understand. As of today, there’s one more: Quarter Pounder Candles. Correction: there are six more horrible things. McDonald’s announced they are releasing a six-pack of candles scented like the six ingredients in their Quarter Pounder hamburger. You don’t even have an extra charge for the cheese smell. A definite perk. And definitely gross.

According to the website where I know you’ll want to rush immediately to either confirm that I am not, in fact, making this stuff up or to be the first to order yours (in which case there’s something bad wrong with you), it’s a “set of 6 custom scented candles in glass containers, inspired by Quarter Pounder ingredients: Bun, Ketchup, Pickle, Cheese, Onion, 100% Fresh Beef.” I think it’s completely ironic that these candles are a “soy wax blend.” The scent is 100% beef but the candle itself is a soy blend? Uh huh. Nothing suspicious there.

Honestly, do people want their house smelling like a cheap fast-food hamburger? I suppose it’s better than cow farts or crushed stink bug, but if my house smells like the drive thru, I usually light a candle to make that smell go away.

So many questions. Is the intent that you burn them all at the same time? If so, why not have one candle with all the scents together? Disgusting to consider but certainly more efficient. Does the onion candle make your eyes water? Although, if you think about it, if you cut up an actual onion and cook with it, your house will smell like onion and (here’s the bonus points!) you have something better to eat than a fast-food hamburger.

While you’re there checking out the candles, you can pick up your $35 heart-shaped Quarter Pounder with Love locket “featuring beautiful photos of the Quarter Pounder, the Quarter Pounder Bacon, the Quarter Pounder Deluxe, and the Double Quarter Pounder. You’re welcome.” (The “you’re welcome” is on the website. That’s not me. Seriously. That’s not from me.) But it includes an 18-inch rope chain, so there’s that. Although it does nothing to reduce the factor of weird.

While I think this is beyond bizarre, I am wearing Whataburger socks. But that’s Whataburger and not weird. The website is GoldenArchesUnlimited.com. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.