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What I Heard This Week! 08-19-2021

What I Heard This Week August 18, 2021

There was a helicopter pilot ticketed by The Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Western Canada. It seems he landed in the middle of a high traffic parking lot, so a female passenger could exit the helicopter and pick up an ice cream cake from the nearby Dairy Queen. Hmmm.


Governor Greg Abbott has tested positive for Covid just one day after a mask-less, indoor, crowded, Republican fundraiser. Abbott, who was previously vaccinated, is said to be “currently experiencing no symptoms” but is allegedly “receiving Regeneron’s monoclonal antibody treatment,” an expensive treatment that is in such short supply that doctors “approve the treatment for only those most likely to develop severe” COVID-19 symptoms. Hmmm. I wish that everyone could afford that special treatment. The FDA says the first dose of Regeneron’s cocktail must be injected within 96 hours of exposure to the coronavirus. Oh, so that must be why he was being tested every single day. It contains the monoclonal antibodies casirivimab and imdevimab and is the first injectable coronavirus antibody treatment approved by the FDA to prevent COVID-19 after exposure to the virus. Monoclonal antibodies reduce the risk of hospitalization and death. What a lucky man.


Sarcasm. Just one more service I offer.


An Indonesian man disguised himself as his wife in order to board a flight, wearing a niqab (covers the face) and burqa (long, loose garment worn by Muslim women) that covered him from head to toe, with just an opening for his eyes. The disguise enabled the man to fly even though he had just tested positive for Covid-19. His wife, however, tested negative, so he used her ID and negative test results in order to board the plane. He probably would have been successful if a flight attendant hadn’t seen him go into an airplane bathroom, then come out wearing men’s clothes instead of women’s clothing. An on-site health officer immediately tested the man for Covid-19, and the test came back positive.


Alice Rodgers, Lake Jackson city secretary extraordinaire is retiring on December 1st, after 37 years, so be sure to drop her a card in the mail, phone, or email her at the city to say thank you.  She knows everything about every-thing, and every-body… warts, and all.  25 Oak Drive, LJ, 979-415-2400


Texans, please get vaccinated. You can’t trust the Texas power grid to keep your ventilator on.


Alex Trabek died in November from pancreatic cancer. His sharp-looking Jeopardy wardrobe has been donated to The Doe Fund, to help men on job interviews and employment. The Doe Fund is a nonprofit organization in the U.S. that provides paid transitional work, housing, educational opportunities, counseling, and career training to people with histories of homelessness, incarceration, and substance abuse. Graduates of The Doe Fund’s flagship Ready, Willing & Able “work first” program secure permanent housing and employment and become taxpaying members of their communities. There has been a Jeopardy search for a new permanent host since January, with 16 guest hosts standing at the podium. The greatest of all time champion, Ken Jennings, was first, then executive producer Mike Richards, followed by Katie Couric. Then, Dr. Oz, Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, CNN’s Anderson Cooper, 60 Minutes correspondent Bill Whitaker, Jeopardy! winner Buzzy Cohen, Big Bang Theory’s Mayim Bialik, NBC’s Savannah Guthrie, Chief Medical Correspondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta, anchor George Stephanopoulos, co-anchor Robin Roberts, Reading Rainbow’s LeVar Burton, Co-anchor David Faber, and sportscaster Joe Buck. Today it was announced that after 37 years, Mike Richards has been chosen as the new daily host, while Mayim Bialik will be the face of new spinoffs, the first of which will be “Jeopardy! National College Championship” on ABC. A lot of people were rooting for LeVar Burton who is best known for his role as Kunta Kinte in Roots.


RECENT BIRTHDAYS: Blues musician Robert Cray is 68. Keyboardist Garth Hudson of The Band is 84. Singer Kathy Lennon of The Lennon Sisters is 78. Actor Joanna Cassidy is 76. Actor Butch Patrick is 68. Werewolf Eddie of The Munsters. Today Show meteorologist Dylan Dreyer is 40. Singer Tony Bennett is 95. Actor Martin Sheen is 81. Singer Beverly Lee of The Shirelles is 80. Lifestyle guru Martha Stewart is 80. Actor Jay North of Dennis the Menace is 70.  Actor-turned-princess Meghan Markle is 40. Actors Dylan and Cole Sprouse of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody are 29. Humorist Garrison Keillor is 79.

First Lady of Children’s Music Ella Jenkins is 97. Actor Loni Anderson is 76. Actor Erica Slezak of One Life to Live is 75. Singer Rick Derringer is 74. Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo, Hang on Sloopy. Actor Maureen McCormick of The Brady Bunch is 65. Actor Wayne Knight of Seinfeld is 66. Newman the mailman. Actor Tina Cole is 78. She starred as Robbie Douglas’ wife Katie in the hit series My Three Sons, making a bold move when she and her on-screen husband Don Grady decided to share the same bed in front of cameras. My, how things have changed.


In listening to all the crazy weather reports recently, I have heard the word Derecho quite often. I didn’t know what they were talking about, so I looked it up. A derecho (deh-REY-chos), from Spanish: derecho “straight” as in direction is a widespread, long-lived, straight-line windstorm associated with a fast-moving group of severe thunderstorms known as a mesoscale convective system. Derechos can cause hurricane-force winds, tornadoes, heavy rains, and flash floods. In many cases, convection-induced winds take on a bow echo (backward C) form of squall line, often forming beneath an area of diverging upper tropospheric winds, and in a region of both rich low-level moisture and warm-air… a derecho can produce destruction similar to the strength of tornadoes… There you have it. Just in case you wondered too.


There has been a 50% increase in carbon dioxide in the world’s air since the start of the Industrial age, measured at its annual spring peak this year. In case you didn’t know it, or you choose to ignore it, carbon dioxide traps heat. And the average rate of increase is faster than ever. Remember this is the coolest summer of the rest of your life.


My son mentioned something about an ear of garlic… I said, “What!?! Wait. It’s called a bulb or head of garlic, or a clove of garlic, not an ear.” Giggle. I just love that boy. 😊 Gage and I have been watching the old series, Boston Legal, that ran from 2004 to 2008, starring James Spader, and William Shatner (two of the best actors around) as the main characters, and a bunch of other truly beautiful people. It’s considered a legal-comedy-drama.  Henry Gibson is a judge. Candace Bergen popped in last night. Leslie Jordan plays a man that killed his mother with an iron skillet, then killed his next-door neighbor (with the same skillet) because she threatened to tell the police. Oops, I’m telling too much, but he does “get his” with an iron skillet pretty quick. And you laugh. Out loud. Often. I recommend it. But not for children. I am so tired from staying up late, but Gage will be heading back to school in Boston soon, and I can sleep once he leaves. We just sit at the kitchen table and laugh, thinking out loud, “how can something so serious, be so funny?” Dang, I’m going to miss my kid, AND the late nights we share together, always splitting a new, and different beer. We had to throw away a very expensive bottle last week. Life is too short to drink even a half of a bad beer. I think it had raspberries in it.


How to clean your cast-iron skillet. Turn on your oven to 400. Add a layer of salt to the bottom of the pan and place it in the oven for 10-15 minutes, then use an old kitchen towel to scrub it off.  It cleans and helps preserve your pan.


Michael J. Fox says that his first sign of Parkinson’s was a tremor or twitch in his pinky finger. He was diagnosed at age 29. The Rolling Stones plan to head out this fall on the No Filter tour across the U.S.,  but drummer Charlie Watts will not be joining them. After a successful medical procedure, doctors recommended “rest and recuperation.” He is replaced by Steve Jordan, a member of the John Mayer Trio.


Helium was detected for the first time on Earth, in 1903, in Dexter’s Hugoton Gas Field, now the largest helium reserve in the nation. Many people do not realize that helium is a non-renewable resource. It is made on earth via nuclear decay of uranium, and it is recovered from mines. Remember when you order your next balloon bouquet… balloons are bad for all creatures in the oceans and waterways, and helium is a non-renewable resource. In fact, don’t order the bouquet, just pick up cookies or a plant.


It’s HOT outside. Today, I heard of the third person (that I know of), who has suffered from heat stroke in recent weeks. Heatstroke occurs when the body loses the ability to sweat and fails to cool down. IT IS LIFE-THREATENING and you will need immediate attention. Find some shade, avoid peak sun hours between 11am and 4pm. I think it’s more like 10am-6pm in South Texas. Wear protective clothing, long‑sleeved shirts, sunglasses, and hats. Sunscreen! Remember to reapply often.  Beware of medication side effects. Some medicines make you more sensitive to the sun. Look them up or talk to your doctor to see to see if your prescriptions could increase your sensitivity.


There is a limited-edition ice cream flavor, created in celebration of National Mac and Cheese Day, by Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and Van Leeuwen Ice Cream. $12 a pint if you can find it. It is described as a little funky, a little salty, a little sweet… very creamy and buttery and a lot better than you think it will be. It would have to be.


Boston Beer announced a partnership with Pepsi to release an alcoholic Mountain Dew called HARD MTN Dew. All in caps. Now, looking back to days of immaturity, I remember people mixing the neon yellow soda with vodka, liquor of choice, or perhaps better put, whatever was available. This canned version might seem a little more elegant, available 2022, in original, black cherry and watermelon.


A Chicago pharmacist has been charged with stealing 125 official COVID-19 blank vaccination cards and selling them on eBay to 11 buyers for about $10 each. Each count of theft of government property carries a potential maximum prison sentence of 10 years. Harris County Judge Lina Hidalgo announced they will now offer $100 gift cards to residents who receive a COVID-19 vaccine. This seems like a much better deal than paying for a stolen black market vaccination card.


The world’s smallest park resides in Portland. Designated in 1948, Mill Ends Park is a circle, two feet in diameter, with a total area of 452 square inches. It’s cute. The US government is offering up to $10 million to anyone with information on who is behind the recent rash of cyberattacks on the country’s critical infrastructure.


A bride-to-be asked the internet for advice about her right to ban her fiancé’s grandmother from the wedding reception. The bride said “However, for precisely the same reasons that we don’t want kids there, I don’t want his elderly grandmother at our wedding either.”  “I think that I am well within my right to make this request, I am the bride after all,” she said. “(My fiancé and his grandmother) both insist that (the grandmother) will be fine and that she wants to go to the party. But I just know that it will inevitably lead to us dealing with her and taking care of her, and I just want to get drunk and let loose with my friends.”  What a charming young woman. I wonder at what age someone will dispose of her. Have a great week. Thank you for spending your time with us.

LISA

Much Ado About Nothing – Food Offended

Much Ado About Nothing August 8, 2018

Much Ado by Jean Ciampi

Burger King offends me. Standing in allegiance with vegans and vegetarians everywhere, I must demand that they change their name. Burger, naturally, is an affront to the sensibilities of all animal lovers everywhere. Not to mention, the idea of having a crowned ruler dictating over a bun-oriented sandwich of any type seems highly archaic. To show greater tolerance and understanding, Burger King must forthwith be called Plant Based Protein Socialist Leader.

Dairy Queen also offends me. On behalf of everyone who may be lactose intolerant and unable to speak up for themselves due to irritable bowel, stomach pain and gas, I will be their voice. Again there’s the obvious issue with the crowned head of state thing, which is, of course, offensive, except to a very small portion of the LGBQT population. We’ll give partial credit for that. Otherwise, the name Dairy Queen must be updated to a more sensitive Soy Replacement Benevolent Monarch.

Freebirds World Burritos are okay. They seem to be inclusive of all avian species across the planet and have designated them as free. FreeRangeBirds World Burritos would be even better. No one wants a burrito raised in a cage, so that’d be taking the responsible extra step to ensure that there’s no possibility of anyone being offended.

Chick-fil-A, however, is a problem. While I understand it holds a high level of popularity, it has come under fire for the Conservative views of their ownership. I believe that changing the name to Empowered-Woman-fil-A would go a long way to correcting a lot of the offenses, both real and imaginary. You wouldn’t name a restaurant Babe-fil-A or Broad-fil-A. Chick-fil-A just is no longer politically correct and offends all women and those who want to be women or think their women or know women even casually.

In a world where we are all so deeply offended by every single last living thing, I think it’s time that the dining industry do their time in the hot seat. They must stop with the oppression and put the happy back in every single meal for every single person as dictated by that person’s believes and opinions no matter how individual or oddball.

So, if you don’t mind, I’d like a #2 Meal with a Diet Coke and a side of total tolerance and acceptance. Oh, and hold the onions. Onion breath is offensive.

  • What I Heard This Week 10-26-2023

    by on October 25, 2023 - 0 Comments

    Former US astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, recently remarried for the fourth time, which also happened to be on the occasion of his 93rd birthday. This time it was to Dr. Anca Faur, his 63-year-old, long-time companion (who looks like she wants to be 27), has a PhD in chemical engineering, and is now the executive vice president of Aldrin’s company, Buzz Aldrin Ventures.  He was first married to Joan Ann Archer in 1954 until divorcing in 1974. The next year he married Beverly Van Zile; they divorced after three years. His third marriage was to Lois Driggs Cannon in 1988 on Valentine's Day, divorcing 23 years later. Looks like he hasn’t given up on ‘love’ quite yet. He has sued two of his children and his former business manager claiming they stole money from him and are slandering his legacy, and that they also undermined his "personal romantic relationships" by forbidding him from getting married. His children say he is also spending money at an alarming rate. Sounds like those children are out of luck. There is a new sheriff in town and her name is MRS. Aldrin. ☹ Notes: Aldrin is also a strong advocate for human exploration of Mars. In 2002, he escaped assault charges after punching a man who demanded he swear on a Bible that the Moon landing was not staged. Good for him. He also said, “Tang sucks. “

  • What I Heard This Week 11-30-2023

    by on November 29, 2023 - 0 Comments

    Former US astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, recently remarried for the fourth time, which also happened to be on the occasion of his 93rd birthday. This time it was to Dr. Anca Faur, his 63-year-old, long-time companion (who looks like she wants to be 27), has a PhD in chemical engineering, and is now the executive vice president of Aldrin’s company, Buzz Aldrin Ventures.  He was first married to Joan Ann Archer in 1954 until divorcing in 1974. The next year he married Beverly Van Zile; they divorced after three years. His third marriage was to Lois Driggs Cannon in 1988 on Valentine's Day, divorcing 23 years later. Looks like he hasn’t given up on ‘love’ quite yet. He has sued two of his children and his former business manager claiming they stole money from him and are slandering his legacy, and that they also undermined his "personal romantic relationships" by forbidding him from getting married. His children say he is also spending money at an alarming rate. Sounds like those children are out of luck. There is a new sheriff in town and her name is MRS. Aldrin. ☹ Notes: Aldrin is also a strong advocate for human exploration of Mars. In 2002, he escaped assault charges after punching a man who demanded he swear on a Bible that the Moon landing was not staged. Good for him. He also said, “Tang sucks. “

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Texan in Winter

    by on December 6, 2018 - 0 Comments

    The power went out at my house last night for four hours. While this may not seem like a major catastrophe as it was the middle of the night and […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - “Human Bait”

    by on January 16, 2020 - 0 Comments

    My dad always told me to have a backup plan in case my current job doesn’t work out. I wasn’t sure what that’d be until I saw this ad: “HUMAN […]

  • What I Heard This Week! December 20, 2018

    by on December 20, 2018 - 0 Comments

    The AK-47 is a type of assault rifle originally manufactured in the Soviet Union in 1949. A 17-year-old Humble High School student accidently shot herself recently with an AK-47 that […]

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