After a great amount of teeth-gnashing and moral struggle, I finally accepted the fact that I had to get a new driver’s license. I hope you’re happy, Public Library, and can you please process my card now? Of the many reasons for the apocalyptic level of resistance, primary was the simple fact that I didn’t want to give up being a card-carrying Texan. If you don’t live in Texas, you probably don’t understand. If you do, then give me a “Hell Yeah!”
Next on the list, I dreaded giving up hours of my life sitting in the Department of Motor Vehicles waiting. However, the reality that I can only play the tourist card so long and I wanted to check out a library book finally won out. So, it was two and half hours of my life I can never reclaim, but I’m sure I would have foolishly squandered it anyway doing something ridiculous like playing Candy Crush on my phone. Oh wait, that’s exactly what I did.
I also learned every private detail about a woman in line behind me because she talked on her phone the whole time. Loudly. I can’t say I’ve ever had the police come to my residence more than twice in one night but maybe I’m not the norm. Truly, I do hope it all works out for her, whoever she is.
During the wait, I did have Terrell Owens teach me how to play Sudoku on his iPad. Okay, maybe it wasn’t THE Terrell Owens, Hall of Fame wide receiver for the NFL, but if you kind of squinted really hard, it’d look like him. And that’s the name the guy was renewing on his driver’s license, so maybe it was him. What else are you going to do after retiring from pro football except try and teach me some crazy math puzzle.
With it all said and done, I spent some quality time with other great residents of my county and quite a few of their tired, screaming, sticky children. I can now realize the big pay-off of being able to vote, sit on a jury of my peers, get a fishing license at a fraction of the price, utilize the city dump twice a month, and freely check out every book at my local library. Texas will just have to understand.
