April 1 is April Fools’ Day. It’s not an official holiday, just a day for fun, as has been custom since the 19th century; setting aside a day for playing harmless pranks and jokes upon our friends, neighbors, and family. I found the following story on Useless Daily – 25 Fun Facts about April Fools’ Day. It made me grin.
“Fun Fact #22. As well as people playing pranks on one another on April Fools’ Day, elaborate practical jokes have appeared on radio and TV stations, newspapers, web sites, and have been performed by large corporations. In one famous prank from 1957, the BBC broadcast a film in their Panorama current affairs series purporting to show Swiss farmers picking freshly-grown spaghetti, in what they called the Swiss Spaghetti Harvest. The BBC was later flooded with requests to purchase a spaghetti plant, forcing them to declare the film a hoax on the news the next day. With the advent of the Internet and readily available global news services, April Fools’ pranks can catch and embarrass a wider audience than ever before.” I’m still laughing as I type this. So today I could put a fictitious story in this column, and you could be the April fool, but instead I have decided to scatter a few funny, silly jokes throughout that you can share, because everyone needs more laughter in their lives…
A woman went into a seafood restaurant and requested a lobster tail. The waiter smiled and said, “Once upon a time there was this handsome lobster…”
If you feel you must fool someone on April Fools’ then unscrew your showerhead and pop in a bouillon cube so your family member takes a shower that smells like chicken as the water streams down, or tape down their mouse.
Last week I wrote about the new tortoise family at the Houston Zoo named The Pickles. You seemed to really like that story. Today, I have this. If you like pickles, and you like dirty martinis, then look what I found, a Pickletini recipe.
2.5 oz. premium vodka
1 oz. pickle juice
3 pickle slices to garnish
Fill cocktail shaker with ice; add vodka and pickle juice. Cover and shake until shaker has frosted on outside of shaker. Strain into a beautiful martini glass and garnish with pickle slices on a swizzle stick.
Here’s to curb appeal. Since it’s planting season, I found some landscaping mistakes that are said to date your home. The first one is using red mulch in your flower beds. Walt Disney World started this in the 60’s. Instead, they say to use pine-bark mulch – it’s just shredded pine trees, chemical-free, easily found at garden centers, and helps add nutrients to the soil. The next idea is not to plant too close to your foundation. Landscapers suggest planting no closer than 3 ft. away from your home. The plants and shrubs are going to grow and get larger if you take care of them.
Jeff Reitz holds the Guinness World Record for the most consecutive visits to Disneyland… eight years, three months and 13 days – in a row – five days short of 3,000 days. He was unemployed at the time, so he and a friend saw an opportunity to exercise and meet other people. Once he went to work fulltime, he still spent on average of three to five hours there each day, but always at least one hour. “It was never about spending the entire day there,” he said. “It’s about making a visit.” His friend stopped visiting after two years, but Reitz decided to keep going because he was still having fun with it. He watched new sections being built knowing they were making “new magic.” Then March 13th, 2020, the park shut down for the pandemic. He had already planned to take off the following Wednesday because it would have marked his 3000th consecutive day. But instead, he made 2,995 days and hasn’t been back.
RECENT BIRTHDAYS: Actor Sarah Jessica Parker is 58. Film critic Gene Shalit is 97. (I pulled up pictures of him; the oversized handlebar moustache and crazy hair is the same, just grey now). Actor Paul Michael Glaser of Starsky and Hutch is 80. Singer, entertainer, activist, & Miss America runner-up Anita Bryant is 83. Actor Timothy Dalton is 77. The 4th actor to play James Bond. Actor Gary Oldman is 65. Actor Matthew Broderick is 61. Actor-comedian Rosie O’Donnell is 61. Actor Kelly LeBrock is 63. Actor Jim Parsons of The Big Bang Theory is 50. Actor Jessica Chastain is 46. Singer-keyboardist Rose Stone of Sly and the Family Stone is 78. Actor Alan Arkin is 89. Singer Diana Ross is 79. Singer Steven Tyler of Aerosmith is 75. Singer-actor Vicki Lawrence is 74. Actor Martin Short is 73. Actor Michael York is 81. Talk show host Leeza Gibbons is 66. Actor Jennifer Grey is 63. Country singer Kenny Chesney is 55. Keyboardist Tony Banks of Genesis is 73. Jazz musician Dave Koz is 60. Country singer Reba McEntire is 68. Movie director Quentin Tarantino is 60. Harmonica player Charlie McCoy of Hee Haw is 82.
Singer Lady Gaga is 37. Comedian Eric Idle is 80. Singer Rudolph Isley of Isley Brothers is 84. Singer Bobby Kimball of Toto is 76. Singer Celine Dion is 55. Actor Bud Cort of Harold and Maude is 75. Model Elle Macpherson is 60. Actor Warren Beatty is 86. TV personality Peter Marshall of Hollywood Squares is 97. Singer Tracy Chapman is 59. Comedian Gabe Kaplan of Welcome Back Kotter is 79. Actor John Astin of The Addams Family is 93. Musician Eric Clapton is 78. Actor Rhea Perlman of Cheers is 75. Actor Paul Reiser is 67. Actor Shirley Jones is 89. The Partridge Family. Rapper MC Hammer is 61. Rapper Salt of Salt-N-Pepa is 57. Actor Christopher Walken is 80. Actor Ali MacGraw is 84. Love Story. Musician Herb Alpert is 88. Actor Richard Chamberlain is 89. Dr. James Kildare, The Thorn Birds, and was the first Jason Bourne.
A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and …… cola.”
“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
A principal of a Florida school has been forced to resign after a parent complained that sixth-grade students were exposed to pornography after a Renaissance art lesson that showed images of Michelangelo’s Renaissance period sculpture of David… which just happens to be one of the most famous statues in Western history. In fact, growing up at our house, we had a small replica of the statue in our living room. Right there in front of God and everyone that visited our home. Because as a child, our family encouraged us to learn and be exposed to all aspects of our world, not just what happened in some insignificant 10-mile radius town we lived in. The director of the Galleria dell ‘Accademia where the statue of David is now shown, was astonished at the controversy and welcomed the principal, school board, parents, and student body to come view the “purity” of the statue in person. The mayor of Florence, Italy, personally invited the Florida educator who was let go, to visit the city to be recognized, adding, “that whoever teaches such art deserves respect.” Yes, I believe parents should have rights on their children’s education, but they have to be intelligently thought-out and researched rights. I read an article this morning about a parent that single-handedly had over 92 books removed from a high school library in Florida. In this county a single parent can challenge a book without having to identify supposed inappropriate material OR without having read the book. One author that had 20 of her books removed during this fiasco, was accused of writing adult romance. The author said she does not write adult romance, but one of the books removed was about the Holocaust. Does anyone remember studying about the book burnings that the Nazi’s held as a show of their intolerance and censorship? Hmmm.
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
Dolly Parton has a new fashion book, Behind the Seams, My Life in Rhinestones, 366 pages where she discusses some of her most memorable outfits, from the clothes her mother would sew out of feed sacks, bold dresses and hairdos that shook up Nashville, to evening wear at Studio 54, and costumes from her most famous film and TV roles. It is due out October 17, 2023, but can be preordered now. It will also be sold as an audiobook narrated by Dolly. That should be really good, but as good as a book of pictures of unforgettable outfits? Hmmm. I may have to do both. Her wig caps also have a little pocket in the back because her outfits are so tight there is no place for her mic pack. I like her.
My special friends Mary and Bruce Meyers celebrated their 50th anniversary this month with a party. It was perfect. I’ve never seen a crowd of people so happy to see each other and help celebrate our friends, and friendship. Because of the pandemic, our few social occasions have been limited to funerals and such. Their love is a perfect example of what many of us wish we could have accomplished.
Chappell Hill Lavender Farm Is now open. 2250 Dillard Road, Brenham. The official Bluebonnet Festival of Texas in Chappell Hill is April 15-16. 400 plus vendors, food, live music, in the heart of bluebonnet country. www.ChappellHillHistoricSociety.com
The Brazosport Art League is presenting the People’s Choice Gallery Show, where you, the public, get to vote on your favorite pieces. It’s fun. Preview the art on Facebook, “Brazosport Art League” – Reception and Awards presentation April 28, Friday 6:30 – 8 PM The Center for the Arts and Sciences.
This may be the best thing I tell you today. According to new research published in Nature Aging, the widely used Viagra aka sildenafil, may be associated with a significant reduction in developing Alzheimer’s disease. Now, here’s the really good part…. by nearly 70%. Of course, more research is needed. This could mean that the little blue pill that was first intended for the treatment of cardiovascular disease when it was introduced in 1989 – except for one very unique, common side-effect that made men very happy – could now help us keep more memory and mental functions intact.
What do you call a woman with one leg? Eileen. (I shouldn’t have put this in but it is great, and it is April Fools’ material… but I will just go ahead and apologize now.)
Here are a few great ideas, especially since we are all getting ready to plant gardens and flowerbeds. Reuse wine and champagne corks as plant markers. Write the name of the plant on the cork with permanent marker, push it onto a metal skewer or chopstick, and place it in the soil next to the appropriate plant. Wait. It gets better. This one is for my neighbor who was a professional golfer and is now a most fabulous gardener. Do you have an old or unused golf bag taking up space in your garage? Long-handled tools can be carried in the club compartment and smaller ones in the side pocket, then you can haul the bag around with you as your work. One more. Take a hole puncher to your little white plant ID tags that come stuck in the plants, then hang them through a key ring so you can remember the names, the height and care instructions throughout the season. Last one. Reuse toilet paper tubes this gardening season. Cut four slits at one end and fold them in to close up the bottom. Then fill with soil and plant your seeds. Place on a tray in a warm spot away from drafts. Because cardboard is biodegradable, you can put your pots directly into the ground when planting time has arrived. Great ideas for playing in the dirt. Don’t forget to check out the spaghetti plants at Home Depot. 😊 Have a great week and thank you for reading and shopping with us.
Lisa
Send comments to Lisa Baker at lisa@thesourceweekly.com
