Okay, kids! Let’s play a game called “Stoned or Stupid!” The objective is to figure out if the person, based on the facts presented, is stoned or just stupid. Since global warming is also drying up the gene pool, stupid is now multiplying at an astonishing rate. But more and more states are making the use of marijuana legal which can make it hard to tell if someone is stupid or if they’re stoned. Everyone ready? Let’s go!
Up first is Markel Towner, recently of Lincoln, Nebraska but now of the Lancaster County Jail. When police showed up on a domestic violence call, he lied about his name – with his real name boldly displayed on the badge he was wearing at the time. This, along with the outstanding warrants, earned him a free ride downtown. Is this guy stupid? Or was he stoned?
Consuelo Almager illegally sold synthetic urine to an undercover DPS officer in Levelland, Texas. While we all ponder over how much synthetic beer you have to drink to produce synthetic urine, let’s not be too hasty to tag Consuelo as stupid. Naturally, if it’s against the law to sell urine, it’s never a bright idea to sell it to an undercover officer. But the resulting search warrant also found marijuana which is still illegal in Texas. So, Consuelo might have been stupid AND stoned. Give yourself credit if you guessed either answer.
Ippolit Bodounov got stopped at the airport in Toronto because of the 4,788 (yes, someone counted them all) live, wild leeches in his carry-on luggage. That it took a border patrol dog to sniff out that many leeches makes me wonder if the agents weren’t stoned if they couldn’t smell nearly 4,800 live leeches in the Samsonite. Mr. Bodounov did have the leeches, intended for medicinal usage, in a large reusable grocery bag. This environmentally responsible action does not overshadow the fact that over-harvesting of medicinal leeches from the wild is a major threat to the species. Should Mr. Bodounov get bonus stupid points for everyone who would actually use a leech over picking up a prescription at CVS? The judges are still out on that one.
Incidentally, for those keeping score, all the leeches survived. Just keep that in mind next time you’re wading in the shallow end of the gene pool.
