As I was writing this week, I realized ‘What I Heard This Week’ is far more than just what I heard, it’s what I remember in life (while I can still remember), what I find important, significant moments or ideas, or just a little something that you need to know, whether you know it or not. When I started the column, one of the names I came up with was Vegetable Soup – you know me and my love for cooking, but I guess it didn’t sound classy enough, at the time. Yes, this column is just like vegetable soup. You never know what’s going into the pot. Just look in the fridge and there it is. Wash it, chop it, put it into the pot. So, thanks for sitting down and having a bowl with me. You never know what’s in the next spoonful.

Guess who is still doing hair, nails, and brows? The mortician. You want an appointment with them? Then keep going outside…many places are now requiring the public to wear masks. Do your part!

Let’s face it, during the past few weeks, we have all watched programs that we likely wouldn’t have had the time, or the inclination to watch if it hadn’t been for quarantines. The documentary show that I am specifically talking about right now, is Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness, a stranger-than-fiction story about Joe Exotic, a mullet-wearing, gun-toting polygamist, country western lip-syncher, who owns an Oklahoma zoo. The story is so crazy, but everyone is watching it and talking about it. As of April 12^th,  around 16,000 people are apparently committed to breaking the Tiger King out of the Federal Prison FMC Fort Worth, where he is serving a 22-year sentence on two counts of murder-for-hire, eight counts of violating the Lacey Act for falsifying wildlife records and nine counts of violating the Endangered Species Act. Whew. The ‘event’ is scheduled for May 14th and is hosted by the Facebook page “Legalize CRACK for Recreational Use.” Hmmm.  “Everybody gotta dress up as joe so they cant tell who is who.” the event description explains. “We will need lots of crack and tigers and probably a few tanks.” In accordance with coronavirus safety protocols, the event reminds attendees to stay 6 feet apart.  Wait a second. It gets even better. Joseph Maldonado-Passage, aka Joe Exotic, filed a lawsuit March 17, 2020 in federal court in Oklahoma City, seeking nearly $94 million in damages. And this is in addition to the story about a sheriff in Tampa, Florida, that has reopened a case (that has history with this story), where a wife is considered suspect in the very mysterious disappearance of her husband. The couple ran a wildlife sanctuary and it is believed by some, that she fed him to the tigers. I told you. I love my job…current events.

Some residents in College Park subdivision in Clute, are participating in a Window Safari by encouraging residents to put stuffed animals in their windows. As people walk the neighborhood, they can have conversation with their kids about all the animals they have seen.  Way to go, Michelle. Great idea.

Some shoppers have forgotten about the hand sanitizer, disinfectants and toilet paper, and turned to puzzles, games and other forms of entertainment and education. Then Americans discovered strength in baking and the stores then became low on yeast and flour. Now, according to Walmart, hair and beard clippers, hair cutting scissors, along with hair dye, are the new “must-have” products for all the really cool coronavirus quarantin-ers. I made up that word. There’s never been a time that I haven’t appreciated the fact that I never colored my hair. Well, once. In my twenties, I used a black rinse for Halloween, then I looked in the mirror and decided that there was no way I could go to a party looking like that.  I shampooed until I removed most of it, then I went to the party.  Really, I think I was too cheap to color and it so happens that I am one of the lucky ones because as my hair started graying, I started highlighting a couple of times a year, just to blend my sparkle. Instead of fighting it, I figured out how to work with it. My son is home and I’ve cut his hair and beard twice in the past month. New hair-cutting scissors help. I wonder what the new, hot, must-have item will be next week. 😊

RECENT BIRTHDAYS: Movie producer Roger Corman is 94. Little Shop of Horrors. Rock musician Mike McCready is 54. Pearl Jam. Actress Nancy McKeon is 54. The Facts of Life. Actress Lily James is 31. Singer Al Green is 73. The Reverend. After an incident in which his girlfriend committed suicide, Green became an ordained pastor and turned to gospel music. He later returned to secular music. Movie-TV composer Bill Conti is 78. Rocky, Karate Kid, For Your Eyes Only, Dynasty, and The Right Stuff, which earned him an Academy Award.

Chess grandmaster Garry Kasparov is 57. Actor Paul Sorvino is 81. Goodfellas, Law & Order. Singer Peabo Bryson is 69. Beauty and the Beast with Celine Dion in 1992 won him a Grammy. Child actor Ricky Schroder is 50. Actor Ron Perlman is 70. Actor Tony Dow is 75. Wally Cleaver in Leave it to Beaver. Children’s author Beverly Cleary is 104. Actress Jane Withers is 94. Josephine the Plumber in the Comet cleanser commercials.  R&B singer J.D. Nicholas is 68. The Commodores.

Sy Sperling, founder of HairClub for Men, died at 78. His commercials were popular in the 80’s and 90’s, where he’d proclaim, “I’m not only the president of HairClub for Men, but I’m also a client.”

A Florida judge has told attorneys to get out of bed and put on some clothes before court hearings via Zoom. Circuit Judge Dennis Bailey said, “It is remarkable how many ATTORNEYS appear inappropriately on camera. One male lawyer appeared shirtless and one female attorney appeared still in bed, still under the covers. Putting on a beach cover-up won’t cover up (that) you’re poolside in a bathing suit.”

The first Amazon warehouse worker has died. Carnival and Princess cruises have canceled through the end of June. More and more people are thinking about their wills. How is yours looking?

Some auto insurance companies are giving refunds and credits to those of us stuck at home during this virus time. State Farm is giving as much as 25% credit, USAA announced a 20% credit for auto policy holders on two months of premiums and Farmers Insurance is giving drivers a 25% reduction in April premiums. Since your rates are based on normal conditions, this is definitely not a normal time. If you want to know, call your insurance company and ask. If your insurer isn’t currently giving refunds or credits, they may be offering grace periods or waiving late fees.  To compare price quotes on your car insurance, go to CarInsurance.com.

Hope this virus situation gets resolved before tick season or we’ll be dealing with corona with lyme.

The 1,000-square-mile Chernobyl Exclusion Zone was established after the 1986 disaster at the plant that sent radioactive fallout over much of Europe. This zone is now largely unpopulated, except for about 200 people that have remained despite orders to leave.  Two recent forest fires came dangerously close recently, within 1.2 miles from radioactive waste depot storage facilities. One man said he burned grass for fun, then failed to extinguish his fire and another resident burned waste that got out of control, both failing to report the fires to authorities and both triggering devastating forest fires. Scary.

Remember: You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, well, you might find, you get what you need. The Rolling Stones

COVID-19 Testing: The Houston Chronicle says, “an analysis of testing data collected through Wednesday April 8^th shows that Texas has the second-worst rate of testing per capita in the nation, with only 332 tests conducted for every 100,000 people. Only Kansas ranks lower, at 327 per 100,000.” Come on, Texas!

Wikipedia: The name “coronavirus” is derived from Latin corona, meaning “crown” or “wreath”. The name refers to the characteristic appearance of virions (the infective form of the virus) by electron microscopy, which have a fringe of large, bulbous surface projections creating an image reminiscent of a crown or of a solar corona…

As we spend more time at home, I seem to be touching more and more items that I haven’t seen, needed or bothered with in a while. Last night I happened to see a wrapped gift in my closet. One corner is dog-eared because the cat chewed on it sometime in the past 15 years. It’s the Christmas present that I never was able to give my granddaddy because he died of the flu right after Christmas in February of 2006. A Louis L’Amour big print novel. He loved westerns.

H.I. Tipps was born on April 11, 1910, was army medical corps in WWII, and handed out flattops in addition to all his other duties. I have a picture of him in the middle of a camp, cutting a soldier’s hair. When he married my grandma, she had five dollars to spend on their honeymoon, but they simply spent the night with relatives.

Granddaddy owned a dry cleaners-tailor shop in West (outside Waco) and in the early 60’s, had the first barber shop inside a mall in Waco. The Lake Air Mall. Everyone came in to see Buster, the best shoe-shine professional in town, Ollie, his right-hand barber and Mac, my favorite uncle.  It was a big shop and there were other barbers, but I don’t remember names. This was a time when you hung around a barber shop like it was a Starbucks. Right next door was Lake Air Records store and across the way was the Piccadilly Cafeteria where we got to pick whatever we wanted (red Jello with whipped cream, mashed potatoes with natural gravy and the most delicious hot rolls), when we went to eat with Granddaddy and Grandma. On Saturdays, he would take just us little girls a few doors down to Walgreens Grill where he introduced us to the waitresses as his girlfriends, where we acted all grown up and drank cherry Dr. Peppers with plastic monkeys hanging off the side of the glass.  (A troop of plastic monkeys because those ladies KNEW we were our granddaddy’s girlfriends.) I remember the waitresses in mint green uniforms with white collars, cuffs and aprons, but I could be wrong. If you behaved yourself, you got to go to Ben Franklin and shop. Later, when it wasn’t cool anymore to go to a barber shop (think Beatles haircuts), granddaddy went to Vidal Sassoon school to learn to ‘style’ hair with a blow dryer and products.

Everyone in town knew Mr. Tipps. He cut generations of hair (many, many first haircuts) and he just wasn’t afraid of change. He taught me to drive a tractor and he taught me to cut hair on his back porch sitting in the same chairs that now have a place of honor on my own back porch. I believe he also taught me to be a good person because you learn by example. When we were little and went back to Waco for Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day and every other holiday, we would always ‘forget’ our pajama’s so we could sleep in Granddaddy’s white t-shirts, then we fought to see who would get to sleep under the pool table on a pallet. (Grandma didn’t learn to drive until she was in her 50’s but she WAS definitely a pool shark.)

Granddaddy could make or carve anything out of a stump of wood and if someone told me that I could use only one word to describe him, it would be gentle. All the way…a gentleman and the MOST-gentle of any man that I’ve ever met in my whole life. There will never be anyone like my granddaddy. So, for years, I kept that unopened present out in the open in my home, on a cabinet or table, to remind me to never put off until tomorrow what I should be saying, doing, or delivering today. I took that gift off the shelf last night and I will keep it out for a little while longer as I remind my two children again of what it represents.

Hope you are all healthy and finding some joy in this experience. No question, I will definitely have to water blast the inside of my house when my kids go back to school, but it sure is nice knowing that they are home and safe.

Lisa

Some families have game night or watch special TV together. It just so happens that the kids and I love to shop for food, cook food and then eat the food. Needless to say, this virus thing has put a damper on some of our fun. We haven’t had a lot of groceries, including milk, for the past three days and as I forage through cabinets and frig, I find cooking is now incorporating a lot of cut-and-paste, you know, taking something intended for something else and using it for another dish. But believe me, my cabinets were full when this started, and we are far from starving. We just don’t always have the perfect ingredients. I tried to explain to my daughter a few minutes ago that I thought we could go one more day without grocery shopping. We have a package of ground chicken, leftover pinto beans that I cooked the day before and a cabbage from the garden…we will make tacos. Done. One more meal accomplished by using what we have available. Less exposure. She looked up at me and whined pathetically, “But I’ve got to have some orange juice. I think I’m getting the scurvy.”  Oh, my. I explained that we had only been out of orange juice for less than 24 hours and it takes much longer than that for the scurvy, plus you’re not a pirate or you would be asking for rum, not orange juice.” I’m still laughing. The rest of our conversation by text went like this.
Me: I did more research on the scurvy and was wondering if you have spots or lesions on your legs and thighs?
Reply: Mother, I am absolutely bespeckled.
Me: Are you lethargic? Nose bleeds? Weak gums?
Reply: Unfortunately, I lost two teeth already today.
Me: Are you limping yet? (thinking I could offer her a peg leg and an eye patch)
Reply: There was no response for quite a while then came, “All my fingers have fallen off too, so it took a while to type with my nose.
Me: Yes, it sounds like you have all the symptoms. I think you’ll be needing rum tonight.
Additional note: Then I donned my gloves, mask and drove to Aldi, picking up food and orange juice. No child of mine shall go to bed thirsty…hope this brings a smile to your face. It certainly helped my day.

As you are aware, medical workers are in desperate need of personal protective equipment including masks and gowns to protect themselves. Disney has donated 150,000 rain ponchos that normally help Disney theme park guests enjoy their visit on a rainy day.  Disney Parks wrote, “The idea was inspired by nurses across the country who inventively found that rain ponchos can be an excellent way to protect their clothing and prolong the use of PPE, while also freeing up gowns when needed.”  Disney also donated more than 100,000 N95 masks to the states of NY, California and Florida. Go, Disney.

After isolation two women are talking. One says, “Where’s your husband?” Her friend answers, “In the garden.” The first woman says, “I didn’t see him.” Her friend replies, “Well, you may need to dig a little.” Hope your isolation is going well.

Dallas police were looking for an 18-year-old woman who claimed on social media that she tested positive for COVID-19 and was “willfully spreading it.” They found her and she will be charged with terroristic threat, Texas Penal Code 22.07. Bond is set at $20,000 and she will have to quarantine for 21 days after her release from custody. She says she does not have COIVD-19 and police have no proof to suggest that she tested positive. I say…well, you know what I say.

Since the city of LJ had to cancel their egg hunts, they have 15,000 candy-filled eggs. Thursday April 9^th from 10am – 2pm, you will need to get in line in front of the Rec Center and they will be handing out bags of 50 eggs to the first 300 cars so you can have an Easter egg hunt in the privacy of your own yard. Do not get out of your car. Their staff will have gloves and masks and will hand you a bag. The eggs were divided by their staff while wearing gloves & masks…

RECENT BIRTHDAYS: Former US Secretary of State Colin Powell is 83. Sportscaster Bob Costas is 68. Country singer Tommy Cash is 80. Younger brother of Johnny Cash. I didn’t know he had a younger brother. Singer Agnetha Faltskog is 70. ABBA. Actor William Smith is 87. Anthony Falconetti in the 70’s TV mini-series Rich Man, Poor Man. Fashion and costume designer Bob Mackie is 81. Fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger is 69. Actress Kelly LeBrock is 60. The Woman in Red with Gene Wilder.

Actor Robert Downey Jr. is 55. Recording Executive Clive Davis is 88.  He brought fame to Tony Orlando, Janis Joplin, Santana, Bruce Springsteen, Chicago, Billy Joel, Blood, Sweat & Tears, Loggins & Messina, Aerosmith, Pink Floyd, Whitney Houston, and Barry Manilow. Author Kitty Kelley is 78. Her claim to fame was ‘unauthorized’ biographies of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Rock Hudson, Elizabeth Taylor, Frank Sinatra, Nancy Reagan, the British Royal Family, the Bush family, & Oprah Winfrey.

Composer Andrew Lloyd Webber is 72. Best known for Phantom of the Opera, Jesus Christ Superstar and Cats. He is now sharing one of his musicals each week for free on YouTube. First up was Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat with Donny Osmond, but we missed it. On April 10^th, he will add Jesus Christ Superstar, with plenty more coming. Broadway for free.

Bill Withers, 81, died of heart complications. Back in the 70’s, he was always one of my favorites, described as simple, yet profound in the poetry of his songwriting. Withers overcame a childhood stutter, joined the Navy at 17 and spent nine years installing toilets. After his discharge, he moved to LA and bought a guitar at a pawn shop. In 1971, he put out his first album, Just as I Am. It had the hits Grandma’s Hands and Ain’t No Sunshine, which was inspired by the Jack Lemmon film, Days of Wine and Roses. He was photographed on the cover, smiling and holding his lunch pail. Ain’t No Sunshine and Lean on Me are among Rolling Stone’s list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. His “Live at Carnegie Hall” in ‘73 made Rolling Stone’s 50 Greatest Live Albums of All Time. Questlove told Rolling Stone, “Bill Withers is the closest thing black people have to a Bruce Springsteen.” So many people have drawn inspiration from his music during the coronavirus pandemic, with health care workers, choirs, artists and more posting their own renditions of Lean on Me to help get us through this difficult time.

Julie Bennett died at 88. She was best known for her voice work of Cindy Bear on The Yogi Bear Show. Ellis Marsalis, Jr. died at 85, of complications of COVID-19. He was a New Orleans jazz piano legend with a huge musical family including Branford and Wynton Marsalis. Dr. James Jude, the surgeon who helped pioneer key CPR techniques, died at 87. In the late 50’s, he and two electrical engineers did research which led to the development of chest compression in ’60, which was later combined with artificial respiration to become CPR. Honor Blackman, the actress known for playing Bond girl Pussy Galore in Goldfinger, died at 94. She also played judo expert sidekick Cathy Gale, in The Avengers TV-series. James Drury, star of The Virginian, died at 85. He also starred in Love Me Tender, Gunsmoke, The Rifleman, Rawhide, and Wagon Train. He said, “The old westerns were morality plays that showed the triumph of good over evil, and I think that’s important for young people to see onscreen these days because it will inspire them to live their lives that way.”

Isolation: I guess I finally got grounded for all the things I never got caught for in my teens.

Remember to get your hummingbird feeders ready to put outside. It’s time. A CEO wrote his second wife a check for $974,790,317.77 (that’s in millions) to settle divorce proceedings after a 25-year marriage. She first rejected the check, saying it wasn’t enough since he is worth about $8 billion. She has now cashed the check. Change of heart, I guess.

Remember Jim & Tammy Faye Bakker? You remember the two that stole millions from honest, desperate people in the name of their prosperity gospel, adding to their already enormous income. Tammy died in 2007, but there’s a movie in the works starring Jessica Chastain as Tammy and Andrew Garfield as Jim. Expected release was 2020, but I bet things have now changed. Jim was convicted and sent to prison, but he’s at it again. I know your first thoughts are snake oil. Well, you are close. The state of Missouri has filed a lawsuit against him for selling a fake treatment for COVID-19 for $80 a 4oz. bottle.

Everyone in this office has been removing their shoes at the front door. It saves us from tracking in cooties. A repairperson arrived last week with booties. Yeah! That was absolutely an A-plus in his favor because he had stood us up several times, saying that he couldn’t get us on the phone or he ran out of time, etc. But that day, he wore his booties outside to get something out of his truck and then came back into the office. Twice. Doesn’t that really defeat the purpose of wearing booties? Or was he just protecting himself from our cooties? Hmmm.

According to Unacast, Brazoria County is receiving a C-minus grade on social distancing. Government officials and health experts have said it takes reducing social activity by 90 percent to slow the spread of the virus, so hospitals are not overwhelmed. Go to: unacast.com/covid19/social-distancing-scoreboard.

Thank you to my friend and neighbor, Lisa Lampe, for the beautiful masks that she made for me and Anne-Elisabeth. They’re lovely, fit so nice with the wire you inserted, washable and almost like having nothing on…she is so clever. Sweet friend, Debby, sent me a ‘thinking of you’ card, today. That was sooo nice. Thank you. Which brings me to…the post office desperately needs our business right now. They are in crisis mode and believe without help, they may have to close their doors as early as June. NO! I’ve sent cards to all my high school friends and others I haven’t seen in 35 years. Perfect opportunity for you to do the same. It doesn’t have to be a Hallmark moment card – just a single piece of paper – you have time and it just might make the day for the person that receives it. Don’t forget the elderly. They’re already lonesome, sometimes forgotten and now this…I may even send out Christmas cards. Wouldn’t that be fun. I’ll just call them Corona cards. When life gives you lemons, make some lemonade…

Liquor stores are doing well right now. Online alcohol sales are up 243% and U.S. alcohol sales are up 55%. Everclear is in high demand. (Yikes. I remember stories of bathtub punch made with it.) I did find five reasons that liquor stores are beneficial to society right now. 1.  Some people depend on alcohol for relaxing since it is considered a depressant. Withdrawals could happen and there’s no room at the hospitals. 2.  Taxes on alcohol provide a TON of money for all government. 3.  Many liquor stores sell food and therefore, essential. 4.  Grocery stores don’t carry a selection of expensive liquor therefore even more tax money (see #2.) 5.  So many people love alcohol for celebration, relaxation and when times get tough. Times are more than tough now, and no one wants to take on an uprising. “A toast to social distancing.”

As we go through these uncertain times, please follow the guidelines and recommendations from community leaders and the CDC. If you must go out in public, such as grocery stores, pharmacies, or work, they are asking that everyone follow the recommended 6 ft. apart, gloves and facemasks. The Source Weekly does not endorse garage sales or a public sale of any kind at this time, but we also understand that this may be helping put food on someone’s table. Remember: Be respectful. Be diligent. Be safe. Apply social distancing to your everyday routine. Let’s be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

It’s a different kind of Easter this year, without church visits and sunrise services, no big fancy dinner with the whole family, and no Easter frills. But let’s face it, Easter is about hope and we just happen to be in this crazy ugly world ‘together’ right now, every single one of us, with so much hope. May we safely gather together with our friends and family in the near future – and appreciate it more than we ever have in the past. Happy Easter.

Lisa