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What I Heard This Week! 09-02-2021

What I Heard This Week September 1, 2021

This still has me thinking. There are hot glue guns, Elmer’s, epoxy adhesive, and a multitude of other DIY products to help make your life easier as you repair stuff around your house or stick things together. In India, a 25-year-old man went to a hotel with his former fiancée, wanting to have an intimate moment, but didn’t have any condoms. So, in order to prevent pregnancy, he reportedly used an epoxy resin to seal his privates, basically gluing his penis shut. The next day, an acquaintance found the man unconscious, outside in the bushes. Apparently, he quickly died of what was described as multi-organ failure. Unfortunately, this couple might have also been using drugs, which could have impaired their thinking, leading them to believe that they were building a bird house with balsa wood, or oak. Regardless, this was not a good idea. It is never a good idea to ever use glue on any of your privates. Never. And never drink bleach. Never. Just because it doesn’t say not to do it on a package, it does not give you an excuse to use something in an improper way. If you’re old enough to have a relationship with someone, then do it properly. Ouch. No one mentioned what happened to the girl.


Mike Richards is no longer executive producer of Jeopardy! and Wheel of Fortune, effective immediately. He taped five episodes before his world unraveled, which will still air. Hmmm. Talk about going from the top of the heap to discarded coffee grounds, in just mere moments. In our world now, everything we accomplish, or don’t accomplish is public, so watch what you do, watch what you say, or it could take you down later. Remember character is who you are when you don’t think anyone is looking. Ha. Everyone is looking.


The Girl Scout’s 2022 cookie season is still months away, but good news.  Come 2022 the Girl Scouts will introduce a new cookie, Adventurefuls, a brownie-cookie hybrid with caramel-flavored crème and a hint of sea salt.


We all have a place at the campfire. It was the Girl Scouts who first taught me that.  Gloria Steinem


The SPCA in LJ desperately needs your help, monetary donations, or donations of supplies. Please provide if you can. A highly contagious distemper outbreak is costing $50 – $75 per animal to test for this incurable virus. Covid has been tough for them, and now this…


Listen up: Effective September 1st, if you or your property are damaged from a defective or dangerous product on Amazon sold by a third party, Amazon will compensate you up to $1,000. The company says it will deal with customer satisfaction and tackle the companies afterward if third parties are unresponsive or unwilling to compensate valid claims. Sounds like buyers are now in charge of testing. Bet there are dishonest people right now figuring out a way to turn this around to benefit themselves.


According to Mayo Clinic, hiccups are involuntary contractions of the diaphragm – the muscle that separates the chest from the abdomen and plays an important role in breathing. Each contraction is followed by a sudden closure of your vocal cords, which produces the characteristic “hic” sound. Hiccups may result from a large meal, alcoholic or carbonated beverages or sudden excitement. While he was working as an anesthesiologist 20 years ago, Dr. Ali Seifi saw many surgery patients in recovery who developed hiccups. The doctor invented a treatment called the HiccAway, which is shaped like a smoker’s pipe. One end is submerged into a cup of water, while on the other end you draw water through the pipe, like a straw. Because of negative suction, it pulls down the diaphragm, which triggers a nerve that regulates your diaphragm. When water enters your mouth, the brain wants to swallow, so it closes the flap in your throat that prevents food or water from entering the windpipe and lungs, also signaling the vocal cords, which eases your hiccups. Just a little more useless, but interesting information.


RECENT BIRTHDAYS: Romance novelist Danielle Steel is 74. Actor Susan Olsen is 60. Little Cindy on The Brady Bunch. Actor-TV personality Arlene Dahl is 96. What’s My Line? Actor Melanie Griffith is 64. Comedian JoAnne Worley is 84. Country singer David Allan Coe is 81. Singer-bassist Roger Waters of Pink Floyd is 77. Actor Swoosie Kurtz is 76. Comedian-actor Jane Curtin is 73. Actor Susan St. James is 75. Actor-comedian Jeff Foxworthy is 62. News correspondent Elizabeth Vargas is 58. Country singer Mark Chesnutt is 57. Actor Tom Wopat is 69. Bo Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard. Actor Hugh Grant is 60.

Singer Gloria Gaynor is 77. Never Can Say Goodbye. Actor Heather Thomas of The Fall Guy is 63. Actor Topol of Fiddler on the Roof is 85. Guitarist John McFee of The Doobie Brothers is 70. Musician-producer Dave Stewart of Eurythmics is 68. Singer Jose Feliciano is 75. Actor Amy Irving is 67. Actor Kristy McNichol is 58. Musician Moby is 55. Singer Harry Connick Jr. is 53. Actor Linda Gray of Dallas is 80. Singer Maria Muldaur is 78. Actor Rachel Ward is 63. Actor Angela Cartwright of The Danny Thomas Show & Lost in Space is 68.


Ed Asner, the longtime TV icon who holds the record for most Primetime Emmys earned by a male actor, died at 91. Mary Tyler Moore Show, Lou Grant, Rich Man Poor Man, Roots.


Jessica Chastain says the make-up she wore to portray televangelist Tammy Faye was so heavy it caused permanent damage to her skin, plus it took between 4 to 7.5 hours to apply. The actor said the role involved the most prosthetics she had ever worn, and that Faye’s make-up in the film gets heavier as she aged. Until further notice, Memorial Hermann has closed three of its Houston area 24-hour emergency rooms due to the surge of COVID-19 cases and its impact on its system operations. Governor Abbott is now asking hospitals to voluntarily postpone elective medical procedures and surgeries, in order to increase hospital capacity for Covid patients as coronavirus cases rise.


Campbell’s soup cans are getting their first redesign in 50 years. It is very subtle. I couldn’t even tell. In 1962, a little-known artist named Andy Warhol opened a small show at a gallery in LA. His subject was Campbell’s Soup. Each of his 32 paintings portrayed a different flavor in the lineup, from Tomato to Pepper Pot and Cream of Celery. Warhol was almost 34 years old, and it was his first solo painting exhibit. He had spent almost a decade as a top commercial artist, working with high-end advertising clients like Tiffany & Co. and Dior. He was determined to become a real artist, recognized by museums and critics alike. The Pop art style had begun, but his show was not very well received. Another art dealer down the street arranged real cans of Campbell’s Soup in his window, along with a sign that read: “Do Not Be Misled. Get the Original. Our Low Price – Two for 33 Cents.” One of Warhol’s gallery owners from the original show, ended up buying the entire 32 painting collection for $1000, paid out over 10 months. By 1964, the asking price for a single soup can painting not in the original set was costing up to $1,500, and NY socialites were wearing paper dresses in a soup can print, custom-made by Warhol himself, to gallery openings. Campbell’s Soup jumped on the very popular fad of paper dresses, coming out with the Souper Dress, covered in Warhol soup labels. Each dress had three gold bands at the bottom, so the wearer could snip the dress to the ideal length without cutting into the soup can pattern. The price: $1 and two Campbell’s Soup labels. In 1996 The Museum of Modern Art bought the 32 paintings from the gallery owner as a combination gift and sale valued upwards of $15 million. Wow, from a $1000 investment. Even the Souper Dress has been declared a classic. Warhol himself had grown up with Campbell’s soup. He liked soup.  “I used to drink it,” he said. “I used to have the same lunch every day for 20 years.”


The idea is not to live forever, it is to create something that willAndy Warhol.


In Temple, a 28-year-old man and woman were having an argument while inside a car; she jumped out of the vehicle, then he tried to run over her. Instead, he crashed his car into a Discount Tire store. Karma. In League City, a 53-year-old man stabbed the manager of a Jack in the Box who asked him to put on a mask. An American Airlines passenger traveling from Dallas to Charlotte, tried to open the cabin door while in the air, then bit a flight attendant before being restrained. A rare baseball card depicting Pittsburgh Pirates legend Honus Wagner just sold for $6.6 million. The card was issued in American Tobacco Co. cigarette boxes from 1909 to 1911 and has been highly desired by collectors for years. The previous record was a 1952 Mickey Mantle card, which sold earlier this year for $5.2 million. Yikes. Insurance companies may start charging the unvaccinated, more for health insurance.


When I go to Target, I always shop the end isles first because they have sale items. Then I shop for what I need. I’m not a big candle person, but there was a candle marked down, called Weathered Birch, Sweet Tobacco – Mahogany. It is so nice, smelling faintly of my Uncle Harlon in his younger years. He smoked a pipe and always had the nicest aftershave, along with the best hugs. Out of stock online.


Reminder: Each residential, business, commercial and industrial building in LJ needs to have street numbers large enough to be seen by the public and shall not be less than 4 inches high. House numbers.


Country favorite, Sawyer Brown, will be the first concert of the season at The Clarion at Brazosport College. The October 16th, opening night concert, is sponsored by BASF. Concerts that follow the season are Jose Feliciano (I was raised on his music and who can forget Feliz Navidad), Tracy Byrd (Holdin’ Heaven was #1 on Billboard Country Charts), Paul Shaffer (yep, David Letterman’s sidekick for 33 years, plus he was part of original Saturday Night Live), Darrell Worley (17 chart hits), and early Thursday special event, Janet’s Planet. A sponsorship sure would look great for your company. Exciting news.


We do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children.” Ralph Waldo Emerson


What did the buffalo say when her son left for college? Bison.


Well, my son Gage left for graduate school at Boston University on Sunday. I am proud to say that he applied for and received a three-year tuition scholarship and will soon be an official sound designer. Super proud of that. There were no tears at the airport but regret seeps in slowly, regret about all the things that we didn’t get to do when he was growing up. Regret, I’m sure, that all parents have because no matter how hard you work or play, there will always be unfinished and uncompleted stuff.  That’s because there will never be enough time or enough hours in the day, or enough money, to do it all. We were lucky because we had an extra 18 Covid months to be together. I WILL miss him. Gage is funny, he is a great cook, he is kind and considerate, and ‘most’ things positive. He has work ethic. He picks out good beer. He is a wealth of information about a multitude of topics. I will miss watching Boston Legal with him, but we have a plan. Watch it on our own and talk later about the episode. I will NOT miss going into the bathroom and finding no toilet paper. I will not miss his ongoing list of excuses for procrastination. I will not miss paying $135 water bills. I will not miss smart@&$ answers to my questions. I will not miss going to the refrigerator to make a casserole for breakfast only to find that he didn’t leave me any eggs. I will not miss picking up objects all over the house that don’t belong to me. I will not miss seeing him in the kitchen in his bathrobe at lunch time. I will not miss walking into the kitchen and seeing every single cabinet door open. I will not miss sending him to the store to pick up cheese and having him come back without the cheese. Hmmm. OR WILL I? Maybe, just maybe, I will miss all of those seemingly very unimportant things, plus more. Good luck Gage. It’s your time to shine and start life’s journey to your own future.  Bye, son. I Love You. So much that you won’t understand it until you have a child of your own.

Love, Mom

 

What I Heard This Week! February 14, 2019

What I Heard This Week February 14, 2019

Police say that a Connecticut woman charged with driving under the influencewas drunk on vanilla extract. They found her sitting in her car at an intersection with her eyes closed and several bottles of pure vanilla extract on the seat next to her.  We had a little discussion in my office about alcohol content of vanilla extract. I make my own vanilla extract with straight rum, vodka or bourbon and Madagascar vanilla beans, so alcohol content depends on the alcohol proof. Alcohol proof in the US is defined as twice the percentage of alcohol by volume. Therefore, 100-proof whiskey contains 50% alcohol by volume; 86-proof whiskey contains 43% alcohol. But depending on the brand, extract that you buy in the store has a large percentage of water. I guess I had never thought of getting drunk on extract. Why not just buy the straight liquor? It would be cheaper. Hmmm. So many unanswered questions.


Like I’ve always said, love wouldn’t be blind if the braille weren’t so damned much funArmistead Maupin


PHO: Hey. I found out the secret to using purple cabbage in soup without it turning your broth purple, therefore making everything in your soup look very grey. Thinly slice your cabbage then let it soak in cold water for a while, then pat it dry before you put it in your soup – the water pulls the purple color out and your broth stays pretty. Thank you for sharing this with me, Ashley.


All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.  Charles M. Schulz


You know when you break a big wad of spaghetti in half, so it fits into your pot, it tends to shatter into three or more tiny fragments plus the big pieces that you’re still holding in your hands. According to Science News, the secret is to twist the strand then bend to break  it. They said, “When the spaghetti is twisted, it doesn’t bend as far before breaking, so the vibrations that rattle the broken halves aren’t strong enough to spur further fractures.” Well, I went straight to my pantry so I could test it, but all I had was angel hair pasta which is so much thinner than spaghetti pasta. Imagine broken pieces of pasta all over the kitchen, plus it took forever to break enough pasta for my dinner. About the time I was finished ‘breaking’ pasta, the first pieces that I have put in the hot water had been cooking for 6 minutes and were ready to eat. Not a real practical help in the kitchen but the cats enjoyed chasing the pasta bits as they flew here and there. Mostly there.


Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. Groucho Marx


I know this is old news, but because I didn’t have room in this column last week, we never discussed the fact that Adam Levine removed his shirt at Super Bowl halftime. Now, why did he do that? To appear younger? To appear a little hipper? To be like Janet Jackson? I never believed that Janet Jackson’s 2004 wardrobe malfunction was accidental, and I never, ever wanted to see her boob, but why can Levine remove his shirt and Jackson can’t. There are places that a woman can’t and won’t breastfeed, but Levine was half naked. It just doesn’t make sense. Now, I’m not saying that he didn’t look VERY nice with his shirt off, it’s just a question.


The US surgeon general is now saying that swift action and aggressive steps must be taken to prevent millions of teens and adolescents from becoming hooked on Juul and other high-nicotine electronic cigarettes. “Adults should learn about e-cigarettes and talk to their children about the risks.” That’s YOU! Parents, grandparents and friends. There’s even a vape shop at the mall now.


RECENT BIRTHDAYS: Singer songwriter Marshall Chapman is 70. Country singer David Lee Murphy is 60. Rock musician Kathy Valentine is 60. The Go-Go’s, the first all-female band to have a #1 album in the U.S. Actor Nicholas Cage is 55. Actor Jerry Adler is 90. Herman ‘Hesh’ Rabkin on The Sopranos.

Football Hall of Fame Lawrence Taylor is 60. Baseball Hall of Fame Hank Aaron is 85. Financial writer Jane Bryant Quinn is 80. Rock singer Al Kooper is 75. Blood Sweat and Tears. Actress Laura Linney is 55. Singer Bobby Brown is 50. Talk show host Oprah Winfrey is 65. Pop rock singer Adam Lambert is 37. American Idol. Actor Mike Farrell is 80. Captain B.J. Hunnicutt on M*A*S*H.

Actor Michael Tucker is 75. L.A. Law.Actress Kathy Najimy is 62. Hocus Pocus, I loved that movie.Country singer Barbara Mandrell is 70. She retired from performing in 1997.


British actorAlbert Finney died at the age of 82. In 1963, Finney won the love of audiences worldwide with his good-natured, funny and sensual portrayal of an 18th-century English rogue in Tom Jones which won a ‘Best Picture’ Oscar.

Frank Robinson, the first black manager in Major League Baseball and the only player to win MVP in both leagues, died of bone cancer at the age of 83.


I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up and for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV. Tracy Smith


Inspired by Kellogg’s Froot Loops cereal, Carl’s Jr.recently introduced Froot Loops MiniDonuts on their breakfast menu. Five very vibrant colors – red, yellow, purple, green and blue that tastes just like the cereal. I would have driven over to Angleton and prepared myself a little better before I gave you this information (and tasted them so I could tell you for sure), but they wouldn’t answer their phone today. I called 3 times. Sorry. The donuts are still listed on an online nutrition chart.


If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?


The LJ Historical Association is presenting An Evening with Ronee Martin on Friday February 15th, at The Clarion at Brazosport College. She is considered a well-kept secret in the music industry and will charm you when sheperforms your favorite songs by your favorite artists including Dionne Warwick, Gladys Knight, Aretha Franklin, Bonnie Raitt, Tammy Wynette and Willie Nelson. Do you remember her from Season 11 of America’s Got Talent? What a great Valentine’s gift for your sweetie! Tickets at the LJ Historical Museum and TheClarion box office.


Love -A wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker.  Unknown


Just last year, the Equanimity yacht was valued at $250 million, loaded with helicopter pad, room for 22 guests, a spa and beauty shop. The 300-foot ship failed to sell at auction after being seized by the Malaysian government, so it is now listed for the bargain price of just $130 million. Wow.


Get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted a whole day. Mickey Rooney


Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. Too much fraternizing with the enemy.  Henry Kissinger


A couple were beachcombing along Padre Island and found an old bottle with a message inside. They opened the bottle with a wine bottle opener and extracted the note with an ice pick and tweezers. The bottle was one of 7,863 bottles that were released in the Gulf of Mexico from Feb 1962 to Dec 1963 by the Galveston Laboratory of the US Bureau of Commercial Fisheries (now known as NOAA Fisheries). Each bottle contained a note instructing the finder to break the bottle, fill out the enclosed post card and then mail it in to claim a .50 cent reward. The study was done to determine the role that water currents play in the movement of young shrimp from offshore spawning grounds to inshore nursery grounds. This bottle had been at sea for more than 56 years.


A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. Ingrid Bergman


A woman that was looking for a place to smoke some pot, happened into an abandoned home in SE Houston and found a 400-lb. male tiger inside. He appeared to be well fed and in good shape. He now has a new home at the Cleveland Amory Black Beauty Ranch in Murchison in East Texas.  The ranch is not a zoo but a world-renowned 1,400-acre animal sanctuary that was founded in 1979 by author and animal advocate Cleveland Amory, open to the public 1-2 times per month for small, prescheduled guided tours to respect the peace and privacy of the animals. It is home to more than 800 domestic and exotic animals, many of whom have been rescued from near-death situations such as slaughterhouses, biomedical research labs, roadside zoos and public land that is threatened. What a happy story for the tiger. I hope he has a wonderful life from now on, finds a sweet lady tiger…you know, the whole shebang.


Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.  Lynda Barry


Hong Kong police destroyed a German-made mud-covered grenade from WWI after the device showed up at a potato chip factory in a shipment of potatoes imported from France.


Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.


A 14-year-old Florida girl ordered two Papa John’s pizzas, had them delivered to a neighbor’s house, then stole the pizza delivery driver’s car as he was taking the pizzas to the door. The girl’s dad says that her text messages show that she planned to use the car to meet her boyfriend and that the two of them were talking about robbing people and ‘other’ things. He also said that his daughter needs a (rear end) whipping and maybe jail. The policemen got to eat the pizzas.


Please note the wonderful Valentine poem on this page (look to your right.) Mr. Corder has been writing poems for many years and has been kind enough to share several of them with us in the past few years. He also brought us some beautiful roses for Valentine’s Day. Thank you, Mr. Corder.


To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia. H. L. Mencken


Thank you for taking time out of your busy week to read this. My son told me that Valentine’s Day is something thought up by merchants to sell stuff. Oh, really? I explained to him that it is just an excuse to tell people that you love them when you really should be saying I love you, EVERY SINGLE day.So, don’t forget to share your love this week, next week. And the week after…

Happy Valentine’s Day.Lisa

 

 

 

  • What I Heard This Week 10-26-2023

    by on October 25, 2023 - 0 Comments

    Former US astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, recently remarried for the fourth time, which also happened to be on the occasion of his 93rd birthday. This time it was to Dr. Anca Faur, his 63-year-old, long-time companion (who looks like she wants to be 27), has a PhD in chemical engineering, and is now the executive vice president of Aldrin’s company, Buzz Aldrin Ventures.  He was first married to Joan Ann Archer in 1954 until divorcing in 1974. The next year he married Beverly Van Zile; they divorced after three years. His third marriage was to Lois Driggs Cannon in 1988 on Valentine's Day, divorcing 23 years later. Looks like he hasn’t given up on ‘love’ quite yet. He has sued two of his children and his former business manager claiming they stole money from him and are slandering his legacy, and that they also undermined his "personal romantic relationships" by forbidding him from getting married. His children say he is also spending money at an alarming rate. Sounds like those children are out of luck. There is a new sheriff in town and her name is MRS. Aldrin. ☹ Notes: Aldrin is also a strong advocate for human exploration of Mars. In 2002, he escaped assault charges after punching a man who demanded he swear on a Bible that the Moon landing was not staged. Good for him. He also said, “Tang sucks. “

  • What I Heard This Week 11-30-2023

    by on November 29, 2023 - 0 Comments

    Former US astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, recently remarried for the fourth time, which also happened to be on the occasion of his 93rd birthday. This time it was to Dr. Anca Faur, his 63-year-old, long-time companion (who looks like she wants to be 27), has a PhD in chemical engineering, and is now the executive vice president of Aldrin’s company, Buzz Aldrin Ventures.  He was first married to Joan Ann Archer in 1954 until divorcing in 1974. The next year he married Beverly Van Zile; they divorced after three years. His third marriage was to Lois Driggs Cannon in 1988 on Valentine's Day, divorcing 23 years later. Looks like he hasn’t given up on ‘love’ quite yet. He has sued two of his children and his former business manager claiming they stole money from him and are slandering his legacy, and that they also undermined his "personal romantic relationships" by forbidding him from getting married. His children say he is also spending money at an alarming rate. Sounds like those children are out of luck. There is a new sheriff in town and her name is MRS. Aldrin. ☹ Notes: Aldrin is also a strong advocate for human exploration of Mars. In 2002, he escaped assault charges after punching a man who demanded he swear on a Bible that the Moon landing was not staged. Good for him. He also said, “Tang sucks. “

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Texan in Winter

    by on December 6, 2018 - 0 Comments

    The power went out at my house last night for four hours. While this may not seem like a major catastrophe as it was the middle of the night and […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - “Human Bait”

    by on January 16, 2020 - 0 Comments

    My dad always told me to have a backup plan in case my current job doesn’t work out. I wasn’t sure what that’d be until I saw this ad: “HUMAN […]

  • What I Heard This Week! December 20, 2018

    by on December 20, 2018 - 0 Comments

    The AK-47 is a type of assault rifle originally manufactured in the Soviet Union in 1949. A 17-year-old Humble High School student accidently shot herself recently with an AK-47 that […]

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