This morning I placed Happiness essential oil in my diffuser at the office. I was sad…because my computer either ‘updated’ or ‘had a party’ or ‘something’ on Friday night and spit out, hid, or destroyed all the work I had done on this column on Friday, so I had to start over. Anne-Elisabeth and Tina both tried to help me figure out what happened. I don’t cry often, but I felt the need to just let it out and boo-hoo several times over 48 hours, but I didn’t. Oh, well. Everyone at my house is healthy, there’s no storms in the Gulf, and I had a new AC unit installed at my house just in time for this nasty August heat…I truly have nothing to complain about except the time that I lost working on it. So, I inhale deeply this mystical happiness oil, and started over writing this column…
August 16th is National Tell a Joke Day. I have included a couple of jokes for you in this column. (They also take up space.) “When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. The Russians used a pencil.”
Sign of Our Times: Shoppers at Memorial City Mall panicked after mistaking firecrackers for gunshots on Sunday afternoon. Police responded to reports of an “active shooter” but found no weapons and then determined the sound came from a man setting off the firecrackers inside the mall. Several adults and a child were injured during the chaos. WAIT. Only hours after the above was reported, a new report came out and it’s totally different. It said that the police are searching for a man wearing a red half-mask (surely they don’t think that he is still wearing the red half-mask but that’s what it said) who entered the food court, “jumped on a table, raised his hands, yelled that he was going to kill himself and dropped an unknown device on the floor that was wrapped in toilet paper and a plastic bag.” Mass hysteria ensued with 300-400 people running in different directions. A boy and his mother were injured after being trampled. No explosive devices or firearms were found to be involved in the activity. The suspect had not been arrested but could be charged with making a terroristic threat. At this time, HPD is asking you to call Crime Stoppers if you have any information. Totally different story. Hmmm.
Peach Street Market – I have already brought Ellen a bouquet of zinnias from my garden, to apologize for not getting her information in last week’s paper. I go to Peach Street Market on Peach Street in Angleton almost every Saturday. Go. BBQ sandwiches, coffee, music and really nice people.
This makes me sad. The Trump administration is making pretty serious changes to the Endangered Species Act which over the last five decades has allowed the federal government to protect imperiled species such as the bald eagle, humpback whale and the whooping crane. The changes would allow federal officials to assess the costs of saving a species. It is also likely to reduce the number of animal habitats, which are threatened throughout our country by development. This comes just three months after a United Nations report warned that more than 1 million plants and animals face extinction throughout the world, mainly because of climate change and development – the rate of loss is the highest on record. What kind of world are we leaving for our children and grandchildren?
New drama coming to Apple TV. It stars Reese Witherspoon, Steve Carell and Jennifer Aniston. No actual footage of the stars in action is being shown but I saw a sneak-peek this morning (during the Today Show commercials) of sets with voices of the three in the background. Witherspoon says, “The show pulls back the curtain on the power dynamics between men and women in the high-stakes world of morning news shows.” It’s called The Morning Show. Hmmm.
RECENT BIRTHDAYS: Style guru Tim Gunn is 66. Actor Robert Fuller is 86. Wagon Train. Actress Roz Kelly is 77. Best known for playing Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli’s girlfriend Carol “Pinky” Tuscadero on Happy Days. Actor Tim Omundson is 50. Carlton Lassiter in Psych. Dancer Michael Flatley is 61. Actor comedian Orson Bean is 91. To Tell the Truth. Actress Louise Fletcher is 85. Movie composer Alan Menken is 70. Actor comedian David Spade is 55. He has a new talk show “Lights Out”.
Britain’s Prince George of Cambridge is six. Actress Selena Gomez is 27. Rock musician Spencer Davis is 80. Rock musician Terry ‘Geezer’ Butler is 70. Black Sabbath. German Chancellor Angela Merkel is 65.
Gloria Vanderbilt died recently and the Upper East Side home that she lived in as a baby (in 1924), is for sale for a mere $50 million. It has 12 bedrooms, 11 full bathrooms, three powder rooms, fireplaces, elevators and a rooftop terrace. It can be purchased separately as three properties – the penthouse for a mere $25 million. Just in case you’re looking for a much humbler abode.
Chick-fil-A rarely adds to its menu but is launching their first permanent side since 2016. Mac and Cheese includes a special blend of cheddar, parmesan and Romano cheese and will be made fresh each day. $2.99 and 260 calories for the small order. Have you tried the Baja Mac & Cheese at Panera? It’s a “blend of cheeses, topped with Pico de gallo, avocado & cilantro” AND IS DELICIOUS. Only 1050 calories. Yikes. Maybe that’s for the large size which is pretty big. It didn’t give sizes on the website but trust me, it’s worth the calories.
“I put a thong on a few months ago trying to be sexy. I’ve been looking for it but ain’t seen it since.” – Tyler Perry, Don’t Make a Black Woman Take Off Her Earrings: Madea’s Uninhibited Commentaries
“Twice this week, I have watched an elderly individual, fade into the busy life in which we all live. One man just needed Panadol for his wife, but the shop assistant simply said it’s in aisle ‘6’. But he struggled to navigate the supermarket and as I watched him go in the wrong direction, I left all my groceries and took him where he needed to go.”
“Today, I watched an elderly man struggle in the heat, who had obviously had a fall with a huge scrape and blood on his leg. He walked past people in the cafe, while he slowly made his way to his car. Not one person stopped. Or looked. Or acknowledged him. I took him to his car and checked he was ok. He told me he had a fall and wasn’t sure how the air conditioner worked in his car, so he just didn’t use it. I sat with him, until his air conditioner kicked in and heard him talk about the old frail body that he is in, that fails him now, every single day.”
“When you see an elderly person walking down the street, searching in the supermarket or struggling to their car, take a minute out of your busy schedule and ask them if they need a hand. Think about your grandparents and your parents and how upset you would be if someone didn’t stop to help them. But more, think of them as you.”
“Once upon a time they were you. They were busy, they had work, they had children, and they were able. Today, they are just in an older body that is not going as fast as it used to, and this busy life is confusing. They deserve our utmost respect and consideration. One day it will be you, it will be us. I wish more people cared more about them and acknowledged them for their admirable existence and jeez I hope someday, not that far away, someone does it for me.” Thanks to the author, Adele Renee.
Did you know that it now cost $3.25 to wash a large load of clothes at the washateria? Yikes. My less than ten-year-old, Consumer Report ‘Best Buy’ washer is rusting inside the rim, therefore dropping large amounts of rust water on my good clothes & sheets. Thanks Bill, for the new washer homework.
August 16th is National Tell a Joke Day. Here’s your second joke. “A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” His friend then replies: “Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.”
An El Paso non-profit organization (H.O.P.E) along with several participating funeral homes, are going to pay for the funerals of the 22 fatal victims of the mass shooting. Not only will they be providing funeral services in the El Paso area, but they will be sending the bodies to Juarez, Mexico, Torreon and Chihuahua at no cost to the families.
Oscar-winning actress, Fay Dunaway, was fired recently from the stage play, “Tea at Five.” Media reports say, “she bombed.” Not, she IS the bomb. They definitely didn’t mean it in a nice way. No one could wear white because it might distract her. Supposedly her opening performances (before a live audience) were a disaster. She forgot her lines – even though she was being fed the lines through her earpiece. She would stop and say “Where am I? Line?” Then, an audience member’s hat was distracting to her and was preventing her from a flawless performance. Wait, the hat was setting on his knee. Then, she stopped mid-show to complain about the lighting. All this plus she slapped a crew member and threw objects at them. Her replacement hasn’t been named. Several words come to mind. Diva. Medication. I would even suggest it might be her age, 78, but that would be an insult to all the people that I know in their 70’s, 80’s and even 90’s that are kind, good and gracious. In reading her history, it seems that she has always been a bit of…a toot.
For the last five years, H‑E‑B has set out on a quest to find the best in Texas—the best local products made by Texans. H-E-B has announced their 2019 Primo Picks for Texas. According to their website the Grand Prize is Diablo Verde Creamy Cilantro Sauce by 3 Sons Food. First Place is Bacon, Hatch and Traditional Brittle by Uncle Ray’s Peanut Brittle. Second Place is Evoke Beauty Hydration Drink by EVOKE. Third Place is The Original Nutty Carrot Spread by To the Moon Family Foods Company. Another Third Place listed is Low Carb Flour by Grain4Grain (they transform the spent grains used to brew beer into flour and for every pound of flour sold, they donate a pound to a food bank). It’s always fun to see what everyone does each year.
“Life keeps on making the terrible mistake of making impatient people capable of making children.” Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Many nice people this week: Thanks to Travis at Luycx Plumbing for turning off the water main for my sprinkler system immediately after I called in a panic and you didn’t even charge me. Recently, I asked Luycx if I could be on the ‘punch card’ system like Marble Slab where after 12 ice creams, I get my 13th FREE. Luycx is the best and I’m keeping them busy lately. Thank you to Mike for the deer sausage and the TWO flavors of homemade ice cream. Thank you to the man in line with me that told me he loved my hair. Thank you for Kaitlyn at Brazoswood Vet Clinic for helping me get the cat medicine after we discovered, augh, a flea in our house. I always thought that inside pets didn’t get fleas. Well, that’s my public service announcement this week. You can have fleas in your house even if you don’t have pets. Especially in this hot weather. You can thank me later. Happy Birthday Rusty. Thanks for reading this paper thoroughly each week. Thank YOU for taking the time to read The Source Weekly this week.
We love YOU. Lisa
