Let me start this column by announcing that I lost all that I had written early afternoon on Tuesday. It has been a sad time. So, after a few prayers I learned a couple of new bad words, then I received help from those that are smarter than me, that just happen to reside in my office. Even with the best of the best, the bad news was that the column was not coming back. It was a good column, one of my best. You’ll just have to enjoy the following which I have pulled together from ideas that I never used in the past. Well, maybe the word, “enjoy” is a little excessive – I promise to do better next week, unless the dog eats my column. Nah, Teller would never do that.
The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap.
Football has Taylor Swift, but Major League Baseball has something even more unique… brand new sexy uniforms. Well, sexy is kind of overkill and not really a very good description, more like a wet-t-shirt contest for britches. Yep, new see-thru baseball pants completed the new look with an added bit of drama. The new fabric is lighter; performance fabric that leaves very little to the imagination. The picture I’m looking at right now shows the player’s shirttail unbuttoned (tucked into the pants) and athletic shorts with the Swoosh logo (worn under the pants), clear as day, plus more… I do believe that a sheet of toilet paper may be thicker than these pants – nah, this looks more like tissue paper. It’s so interesting that the big bucks didn’t figure out the problem before now. I also heard on the radio that the fabric looks very inexpensive, something that you would buy on the side of the road… and the numbers, etc. are printed on, not sewn on. Bet someone is in trouble.
Mushroom coffee. Yes, the new mushroom coffees can improve your immune health, reduce stress, lessen inflammation, and because it’s caffeine-free you can expect better sleep… or just add a scoop to your regular morning coffee, and take advantage of the health benefits that way. Or there is okra coffee. Oh, I just read about avocado coffee. Mix hot coffee, avocado, coconut oil and something to sweeten, or use cold coffee, avocado, sweetener, and ice cubes blended along with a little mint.
Robert Downey Jr. is a man that loves coffee, truck stop variety or complicated blends. He loves it all. He now has a new coffee line called happy, which has regular, K-cups and decaf. Each sale benefits the National Alliance on Mental Illness.
I don’t mind living in a man’s world, as long as I can be a woman in it. Marilyn Monroe
This is a Public Service Announcement: Dentists say don’t chew ice. Don’t bite your nails. Don’t open bags or bottles with your teeth. Don’t eat gummy, sticky candy. Don’t consume excessive amounts of alcohol. Don’t use a hard-bristled brush. Don’t smoke. Don’t go to sleep without brushing. Do make regular visits to your dentist. We only have one set of teeth.
Remember the Octomom? In 2009, she had octuplets (8) via in-vitro fertilization, and everyone raised a huge fuss because she already had six children (all born via in-vitro fertilization), she was single and unemployed. That’s a total of 14 children. It is reported that the octuplets are now turning 14 years old, are in 8th grade, all vegan, just good healthy kids that love to cook. Their mom now works as a counselor and therapist for those who have drug and alcohol addictions.
To clean silver, line a bucket or bowl with aluminum foil, add the silver items you want to polish and fill the container with 2 tablespoons of washing soda, soda ash or soda crystals (sodium carbonate), 2 tablespoons ordinary table salt, 1 cup plain white vinegar and 2 cups boiling water. Leave the silver in the water for about 15 minutes. The tarnish is attracted to the foil and will make cleaning the silver so much easier. Or crumple up a ball of foil and clean your grill. Or sharpen your dull scissors by folding foil into several layers, then cut seven or eight strips. Or place a sheet of foil underneath the cover of your ironing board. The foil reflects the heat coming off your iron, which speeds up ironing. And it prevents moisture from the steam penetrating the fabric cover. Does it really matter whether you use the shiny side or the dull side of the foil? Nope. No difference at all. It’s just the way it is manufactured.
GARDEN RULES:
Protect the pollinators.
Feed the insects, skip the pesticides.
Less lawn, more native plants.
Water less, enjoy more.
Stay awhile.
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.
OK more answers to your questions about recycling. Forgive me if you have heard it before, but it’s really important. Right now, I take all my recycling to Pearland at the Stella Roberts Recycling Center at 5800 Magnolia Parkway. It’s super easy to get there from here – 288 to Magnolia Parkway, turn right (if you turned left, you would be at Costco). I leave the cycling center and gift myself with a trip to Houston Garden Center because it’s just a few miles… and because it’s a shame to have an empty car and not carry back some plants or bags of dirt. Stella Robert’s non-profit hours of operation are Tues. – Sat. 9am – 1pm. but it’s always a good idea to call ahead in case of a holiday or a necessary closing for maintenance. You can make an appointment by phone or online for hazardous waste recycling. It is so easy to recycle there. You just drive in, they unload your car, and you drive off. I always tip because I am so appreciative that they are accepting a whole car full of stuff. You just have to sort everything into boxes or shopping bags, although sometimes I use Lowe’s or Home Depot buckets. Everything must be clean. I have the separate containers already set up in my garage so it’s easy the day of drop-off. They return your containers but will not accept plastic grocery bags for recycling, but that’s where the Lion’s Club at LJ City Hall comes in. They have a container for all soft plastic, so when they get 500 pounds, the city receives benches made out of the common packaging material that is normally dumped into the trash. This is unbelievable because there is so much soft plastic that is recyclable. Save your cans, clear glass, colored glass, aluminum, and plastics for just one week and you will understand what I’m saying.
The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down. T.S. Elliot
Amazing Creatures That Emit Light: The Firefly. Remember as a kid, catching them to put in an old mayonnaise jar, punch holes in the lid and set them by your bed for one evening, then letting them go free the next morning. They emit light in blinking patterns to attract mates, or to warn predators not to eat them because their bodies contain toxic chemicals, and do not make a tasty meal. Glowworm. Some are actually a larva that belongs to the beetle family… and they produce different colors of light such as green, orange, and yellow. Hmmm. (So, the Glowworm toy actually came from something real.) Jellyfish use their light for defensive purposes. The light emission is activated upon contact, which stuns predators. The light also makes the predators more vulnerable because it may attract other creatures to prey on their predators. Sea Sapphire. Belongs to a group of crustaceans called copepods that capture light and reflect it back. Firefly Squid. One of the few squids that display bioluminescence. Its head, arms and mantles have tiny light-producing dots called photophores. Dragonfish. A scaleless fish that looks like a monster, uses its blue-green light to lure prey, then also has the ability to emit red light, which locates prey in the dark. Dinofalgellates are also known as Fire Algae, so when it’s in abundance it looks like the water is glowing. Some octopus emit light, there again to ward off predators as well as to attract mates. Then there is the Cookiecutter shark, which prefers to live in the depths of the ocean and gets its name from gouging out round cookie-size chunks of flesh from its victims that it has lured with its light. How rude. You are so much smarter now about things that glow in the water, aren’t you? Just when you thought it was safe to go in. How about a Clusterwink Snail? It’s called bioluminescence and when disturbed, the whole shell flickers with bluish-green light.
French’s Mustard-Flavored Skittles: the candy tastes like a typical Skittle, but then hits you with a tangy, savory flavor of mustard.
Climate change could damage transglobal undersea cables. What exactly does that mean? That means your internet service. When sea levels rise it could sink internet infrastructure. Buried cables were designed to be water resistant, but not entirely waterproof the way ocean-crossing cables are. “We live in a world designed for an environment that no longer exists,” says climate risk modeling company Jupiter Intelligence co-founder Rich Sorkin.
Thanks for suffering through this column today. Remember to sell something.
Lisa
Send comments to Lisa Baker at lisa@thesourceweekly.com
