Hey everyone, here’s some news: drugs are bad. Taking drugs is stupid. This seems fairly self-evident, don’t you think? Well, maybe not. It seems drugs and really stupid choices go hand-in-hand. The bigger question might be, “Which came first, the drugs or the dumb decisions?” It’s a real question for our times, especially when you start seeing the ridiculously not-smart things people are doing.
Exhibit A: the Columbian man who shows up at the Barcelona airport looking really nervous. Oh, and he has what looks like the worst excuse for a toupee on his head. I don’t mean he’s just got a bad hair piece. This looks like a cinder block cake with dead weasel frosting. No, that didn’t draw attention, said no airport security officer ever. Go figure, he’s smuggling – well, let’s be honest, he was failing miserably at smuggling – a half kilo of cocaine worth $34,000 under his rug. Yeah, that was dumb. He’ll have some Spanish jail time to think over that one.
Exhibit B: Philip Engle of Michigan. A couple of years back, he goes totally rogue and combines pizza, guns, drugs, and, oh yeah, nudity. Nothing singles you out as maybe being on the low end of the smart scale quite like taking four hits of LSD then banging on the door of the local Happy Pizza restaurant with your loaded gun while wearing only a small towel. To alleviate any doubt, you do have to bang on the door until the glass shatters and the gun discharges. Yeah, Philip did that. The nice people at Happy Pizza, who I’m going to guess may have been slightly less than happy at that point, didn’t mention that the door was unlocked. Why rub salt in the wound, right? Especially since Philip had also just shot a hole in the dashboard of his car because it wouldn’t stop beeping. No, no, there’s no connection to this behavior and the LSD.
Need more proof? Sheriff’s deputies in Clay County, Missouri posted this to their social media account about a guy wanted on drug charges, “If you’ve got a felony warrant for your arrest, the cops are looking for you and you pass gas so loud it gives up your hiding spot, you’re definitely having a [poop emoji] day.”
Don’t be stupid. Don’t do drugs. Don’t have a poop emoji day.
