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Much Ado About Nothing – Texan in Winter

Much Ado About Nothing December 6, 2018

Much Ado by Jean Ciampi

The power went out at my house last night for four hours. While this may not seem like a major catastrophe as it was the middle of the night and I was sleeping, except for the fact that when the power went out, so did the heat. And it was cold last night. Really cold. The kind of cold that completely explains why Michigan is shaped like a mitten. The kind of cold that makes a Texas girl wonder, What the Heck am I Doing Here?! And then it started snowing. Again.

It is only the first of dadgum December! In the last month alone, I have collectively experienced more winter than I have in my entire lifetime combined. But get this: Winter doesn’t even officially start for another couple of weeks. What really makes that remarkable is that last winter only wrapped up a couple of weeks ago. I’m almost positive that there are winters here that just overlap right onto each other. You never know if one winter has stopped before the next one starts.

While I am a great advocate for clean oceans, preservation of endangered species and conservation, I am also now a great proponent of global warming. As temperatures hover in the teens and 20’s, I’ve put my wool sock covered, insulated booted foot down that I will refuse to leave my house until the temperature is at least my age. And for the first time in my life, I’m happy to be as old as I am. Bring on the birthdays and the heat!

For that matter, at my age, where the heck are the hot flashes that are supposed to be showing up? What does a girl have to do to get a decent hot flash around here? Thankfully, I have friends my age and I will bask in the heat of their hormonal misfortune. Let’s face it, I am a silver-lining kind of girl like that.

As we push towards that longest night and the official start of winter, I’m increasingly concerned about the fact that there’s now only about 20 minutes between sun up and sun set. I have tan lines from the sun light simulator lamp on my desk and monitor my cravings for salted whale meat as a sure sign that I may be transforming into a polar bear.

Oh, and it’s snowing again.

  • What I Heard This Week 10-26-2023

    by on October 25, 2023 - 0 Comments

    Former US astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, recently remarried for the fourth time, which also happened to be on the occasion of his 93rd birthday. This time it was to Dr. Anca Faur, his 63-year-old, long-time companion (who looks like she wants to be 27), has a PhD in chemical engineering, and is now the executive vice president of Aldrin’s company, Buzz Aldrin Ventures.  He was first married to Joan Ann Archer in 1954 until divorcing in 1974. The next year he married Beverly Van Zile; they divorced after three years. His third marriage was to Lois Driggs Cannon in 1988 on Valentine's Day, divorcing 23 years later. Looks like he hasn’t given up on ‘love’ quite yet. He has sued two of his children and his former business manager claiming they stole money from him and are slandering his legacy, and that they also undermined his "personal romantic relationships" by forbidding him from getting married. His children say he is also spending money at an alarming rate. Sounds like those children are out of luck. There is a new sheriff in town and her name is MRS. Aldrin. ☹ Notes: Aldrin is also a strong advocate for human exploration of Mars. In 2002, he escaped assault charges after punching a man who demanded he swear on a Bible that the Moon landing was not staged. Good for him. He also said, “Tang sucks. “

  • What I Heard This Week 11-30-2023

    by on November 29, 2023 - 0 Comments

    Former US astronaut Buzz Aldrin, the second man to walk on the moon, recently remarried for the fourth time, which also happened to be on the occasion of his 93rd birthday. This time it was to Dr. Anca Faur, his 63-year-old, long-time companion (who looks like she wants to be 27), has a PhD in chemical engineering, and is now the executive vice president of Aldrin’s company, Buzz Aldrin Ventures.  He was first married to Joan Ann Archer in 1954 until divorcing in 1974. The next year he married Beverly Van Zile; they divorced after three years. His third marriage was to Lois Driggs Cannon in 1988 on Valentine's Day, divorcing 23 years later. Looks like he hasn’t given up on ‘love’ quite yet. He has sued two of his children and his former business manager claiming they stole money from him and are slandering his legacy, and that they also undermined his "personal romantic relationships" by forbidding him from getting married. His children say he is also spending money at an alarming rate. Sounds like those children are out of luck. There is a new sheriff in town and her name is MRS. Aldrin. ☹ Notes: Aldrin is also a strong advocate for human exploration of Mars. In 2002, he escaped assault charges after punching a man who demanded he swear on a Bible that the Moon landing was not staged. Good for him. He also said, “Tang sucks. “

  • Much Ado About Nothing - Texan in Winter

    by on December 6, 2018 - 0 Comments

    The power went out at my house last night for four hours. While this may not seem like a major catastrophe as it was the middle of the night and […]

  • Much Ado About Nothing - “Human Bait”

    by on January 16, 2020 - 0 Comments

    My dad always told me to have a backup plan in case my current job doesn’t work out. I wasn’t sure what that’d be until I saw this ad: “HUMAN […]

  • What I Heard This Week! December 20, 2018

    by on December 20, 2018 - 0 Comments

    The AK-47 is a type of assault rifle originally manufactured in the Soviet Union in 1949. A 17-year-old Humble High School student accidently shot herself recently with an AK-47 that […]

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