What I Heard This Week! 10-07-2021
This column might be a little shorter this week. In the past, I told you that the dog ate my column, but Teller the Wonder Dog would never consume something like that unless it had small (or large) food remnants attached to it and was stuffed in the trash can. This week it was black sesame seeds from a broccoli dish I made. Black sesame seeds everywhere. I thought I had bugs of some kind for just a little bit. You can take the free-roaming, dumpster diving stray dog out of downtown, but you cannot take the downtown, stray attitude out of the dog. He just loves anything and everything that I put in the trash. The truth is, this is my income tax time, and I didn’t want my wonderful female accounting team to divorce me this year, so I took all my income tax containers home, spread it out on the kitchen table and put aluminum foil on top of all my piles when I left so the cats wouldn’t bother it (cats are not supposed to like aluminum foil.) News alert. It does not work. They napped on the foil and looked at me, as if to say, thanks for the new blanket. I turned in everything to the accountant the night before you get to read this column. I mentioned to my neighbor that the column would be shorter this week, and she rejoiced, suggesting that we can just make it look bigger by changing the size of the text so it will be easier to read. So, when I got to the office, Connie & Tina also suggested that it would be easier to read. So, here it is. A little less information but bigger. Don’t get used to it. On a normal day, I have much to say.
My favorite uncle shared this with me. Perhaps you have seen it before, but I am going to share it with you. Many of you may relate. For those that do not, you should be able to do so in just a few years, but only if you are lucky…
I am a Sen-ager aka a Senior Teenager. I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don’t have to go to school or work. I am paid an allowance every month. I have my own pad. I don’t have a curfew. I have a driver’s license and my own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don’t have acne. Life is great. But there have been some big changes.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. I decided to stop calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child, I thought nap time was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation. The biggest lie I tell myself is, I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it. Hah. I don’t have grey hair… I have wisdom highlights! I’m just very wise. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet. Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. At my age getting lucky means walking into a room and remembering why I went in there. I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can’t remember their names.
Now I’m wondering: did I give this to you, or did you give it to me? Love, Mac
The auto industry is not doing so well. Carmakers worldwide are so frustrated by the microchip shortage. The shortage of these parts will lead automakers to build 7.7 million fewer vehicles globally than planned. In May, they thought the shortage would be 3.9 million vehicles. Quite a difference. Chips are just one disruption we face. There is resin, steel, and labor shortages. Guess I will be keeping my car. OK. What about the other shortages? Truckers are getting big pay hikes, but there’s still a shortage of drivers. It is a great time to be a truck driver. Again, Costco is limiting how much toilet paper you can buy. Other possible shortages include canned goods, turkeys for Thanksgiving, chicken, pet food, Lunchables, and bottled water. Labor shortages, supply-chain issues…simply not enough people to make the goods, move the goods, and sell the goods. If buyers don’t panic and continue to buy just what they need instead of panic-buying, we will be ok. But we all know that will not happen.
Why the brightly colored balls along power lines? I had actually never thought about it. They weigh about 17 pounds each, come in yellow, orange, white or red, and are sometimes required by the Federal Aviation Administration, especially near airports. So, those balls are there for the safety of flying aircraft and to protect the electrical infrastructure. I remember seeing so many around the Grand Canyon area.
Time spent with cats is never wasted. Sigmund Freud
Forty-one cats were found packed, along with furniture and boxes, into the back of a U-Haul as the owners moved from Florida to Idaho. The truck did not have ventilation of any kind. Washington Prime Group, a major mall owner of more than 100 locations across the United States, filed for bankruptcy, citing pandemic-related shutdowns. The volcanic eruption on the Spanish island of La Palma has intensified. A U.S. passenger on a flight from Colombia used an emergency exit and walked out onto the wing of the plane at the Miami International Airport just after the plane landed, claiming he was in danger. Hmmm. Yes, I would say at this point, he is in danger. United Airlines says that only 232 employees face termination after its Sept. 27th Covid vaccine deadline mandate for all 67,000 workers. In an Ecuadorian prison riot, at least 116 people were killed and 80 were injured, including (yikes) dismemberment and five beheadings. Postmaster General Louis DeJoy has a stupid idea for the U.S. Postal Service to cut costs. Slower delivery standards. So, when your bill payments don’t arrive on time, please do not blame your local mail carriers or the nice people at the post office. They are doing the absolute best they can do. Bring them cookies. #FireDeJoy
A dad, somewhere, got his undies in a wad about something, and paid his FINAL child support payment with 80,000 pennies, dumping them from a trailer in the street in front of his child’s mailbox. Hmmm. What dads do not understand is that they can be mad at the mother of their child, but do not involve the child. Wrong. The mom and daughter donated the $800 to a domestic abuse shelter.
Have a small piece of candy before bed – a jellybean, tic tac, or something like that. But put a LABEL on your candy jar that says sleeping pills. A study found that the simple act of taking a pill, even if it is a fake one, prompts your brain to relax. On average, you should fall asleep 16 minutes faster, and stay asleep 79 minutes longer. It is the placebo effect, where if you think a pill will make you sleep better, it will, even if it’s a tic tac in disguise. I am not sure who did this study, and I am sure not saying that it doesn’t work, BUT…
So, the newsfeed said something about Your Side Part Makes You Look Old. I didn’t read it, but I would be lying if I didn’t admit that the little thought worm entered my brain a few times when I combed my hair in the mornings. Google, my sweet friend. The article started out, “If the phrase “the Lawrence Brothers” moves you in some type of way, chances are you part your hair to one side and have an extensive collection of skinny jeans in various shades of indigo and black. These are just facts!” Well, I didn’t have a clue who the Lawrence Brothers were (but I do now), and I have never owned skinny jeans. But I do part my hair on the side, so more information was needed. Upon reading, this information was directed entirely towards people born in the 80’s, not lived in the 80’s. Whew. I haven’t worn my hair parted in the middle since the 70’s. Remember there are so many advantages to being older, if you just look for them.
Thanks for reading us this week and do not forget to schedule your mammogram, or just encourage someone you love to do the same.
LISA
